The Craziest Inventions Tier List

Can we just agree joe has the most diverse dining room possible? What other room has acted as a boardroom, the location of a time travel bubble and an ASMR testing facility

The crime skeleton is just so fun its the sort of thing Disney would make if they owned a prison

“For every Quantum Computer there is a Monkey Ball Dropper” truly words to live by

This could easily become a series - easy enough to create and research while entertaining and educational! More please!

The metal monkey is an expertly nailed dad-pun on the phrase "It's freezing in here, cold enough to freeze the balls off a brass monkey"

That centrifugal birthing table... I laughed so hard. And when you mentioned the net, all I could think was "that's going to leave a mark". 😂😂

Automated bathing facility sounds like something out of a Wallace and Gromit skit.

DEFINITELY want a part 2! This was hilarious and I'm glad you got to do your first tier list!

I love your opening skits. Not many educational content creators do that and it's entertaining af

My 13 year old daughter has severe mental and physical challenges, including cerebral palsy and autism. When you were first describing the people car wash, I agreed it seemed creepy and inhumane. But on second thought, my daughter loves water and wind and would probably really enjoy a people wash "ride". I don't think she experiences embarrassment, but she is strong enough to hurt herself and others. I don't know how people could be comfortably secured and still get thoroughly cleaned, but I can see the appeal.

There needs to be a subreddit dedicated to crazy patents, especially with so many new ones coming out each day.

Definitely a multi-part series is needed Joe. This subject has so much potential. Perhaps an on-going, never ending series. And in a vernacular reminiscent of you Joe, “highly inspirational”. Who knows what great inventions will spawn from your bringing to light these mind blowing ideas. Even better would be to find the working model of some of these. The possibilities, as with the patent content, seem endless……
I truly enjoy your work, Joe.

You should make an episode 2, make up a fake patent and mix it in for the audience to guess

You have, have, HAVE to make this an ongoing segment!
You said it yourself, you'd have heaps of material to work with!
I laughed my head off not to mention learned something new! 😆

"Cold enough to freeze the balls off a brass monkey" - A few decades ago me and my friends were debating the origins of this, and I got the distinct impression one of them filed that patent just to have something to point at and go "haw." After looking up the patent again I don't recognize the name, but of course that kind of joker, while not common, isn't going to be unique.

As a patent examiner, one of my favorite sayings in the job is "stupid gets patents"

One of my favorite patents was a mouse trap design. It consisted of a pressure plate and a lever. It also had a device to hold a revolver pistol. That's right. This patent is for a mouse trap conversion kit for a firearm.

Great intro Joe

I'm a nurse who works with dementia patients. In my opinion about the human car was is it should be in the F category. Traumatizing the patient is an understatement. When bathing confused patients the best solution for doing it safely is direct human interaction. We have to bath our patients as calmly as possible and communicate with them the entire time. Constant reassuring that they are ok. The whole issue with cleaning confused patients is they do not understand what we are doing and why we are doing it. From their perspective they almost always feel like they are being attacked and which is why they fight us. The more we can reassure them that we are helping and not attacking the better things go.

Part Two Please! This was absolutely fascinating and you ended on the perfect invention and gave it the same ranking I would!😅

Screw part two, this needs to be a SERIES. I haven't laughed this much all week!

There was an expression that was very popular back in the 1980s in Britain and Ireland: "cold enough to freeze the balls off a brass monkey". It sounded great (hey, the 1980s, ok) but few people knew where it had come from. It was an expression used in the navy, I believe. A brass monkey was the name of a kind of frame made of brass that held stacked cannon balls (made of iron). When things got really cold, the (cannon) balls would develop a layer of frozen condensation (water), which could cause them to fall of the brass monkey (the cannonball holder). Hence the frase, "it's real brass-monkey weather" or "it's cold enough to freeze the balls off a brass monkey". So some wiseass has decided to produce a brass monkey dropping balls based on a particular temperature - brilliant if you were alive and swearing in the 1980s in Britain and/or Ireland.

Love when Joe plays other characters than his usual character. LOL

Bring on part 2, Joe.. this 1 was highly entertaining😂

Yes! Part 2! And I'm glad you brought the silly sketch opening back! ❤

Yay! You're on trending, Joe! That's awesome. You are one of my favorite creators and I am excited for more people to discover this channel. Congratulations!

I've been in a human car wash and it was amazing. It was at a festival and one would walk through the thing instead of hanging from a hook. Loved it 😁

Yes to part 2! Loved them all!
I think you did the "Saluting Device" a bit of an injustice however - it most certainly had a place in it's time. Especially in the 1800's, lifting your hat ("I tips me lid") in greeting was commonplace. That said, a machine to do it for you could be considered rude. I do love that it is triggered when you dip your head or bow. 🤷

We need more of your sketches to start the episode! You always kill it! Knowledge with a true laugh out loud!

The rat treadmill reminds me of the shrimp treadmill controversy. Something that sounds ridiculous but actually has a worthwhile contribution to make to research (shrimp treadmill helped measure safe levels of pollutants in water by measuring their effect on shrimp's health).

Joe, I humbly ask you to PLEASE make a part 2, I’m sick and this really brightened my day!

I think the "finite impulse response filiter and receiver" is kind of an improved Analog to Digital Converter/Digital to Analog Converter/SDR device that when used to capture a specific radio signal (for instance, espcially given the diagram shown next to the patent's quotation) it ultimately is able to store digitally a signal that when reproduced doesn't rely solely on many small samples taken used the Nyquist Sampling Theorem's dictum (which leaves a record of discrete value points that need to be put through a DAC's "Connect the Sinusoidal Dot"'s process in order to reproduce a nearly perfect (in 99% of cases where irregularities probably approaching the planck length at this point) analog version of the captured signal/data/etc. What this means is that while our own government has restricted the export of high powered, high frequency ADCs and DACs in order to keep the ability of quick pulse burst RF communications a technology in the dark, this patented machine would be able to detect the signal no matter how quickly its phase shifts, frequency modules, amplitude modulates, etc....
At least this is my guess, I had a seizure not long ago so I may not be pulling all the correct info together, but I feel confident in my thoughts put in text here.

Definitely want to see more crazy inventions... looking forward to parts 2 through 10. Love the channel!

I was a little bit put off when you mentioned the tier list, but after watching the full episode and also seeing your excitement about the idea, yes please! This needs to be series 🙌

The monkey ball dropper actually has a correlary from the ancient world. A chinese (correct me if I'm wrong) urn with a pendulum inside, connected to pushrods extending out through the urn wall, each attached to the lower jaw of one of the little dragons around the outside of the urn. Each dragon had a metal ball clamped by that lower jaw mechanism, which dropped when the pendulum swung towards that direction. I believe it was an earthquake detector or something like that, but the concept is basically like tilt indicators on modern freight.

FIR filters are fairly common. The patent you mentioned is probably related to the application. When I was working in disk drives, we generated a lot of patents which ended up being used like a currency with other drive companies.

We definitely need a part 2, this video was both fascinating and hilarious

Joe, you have got to bring us more of these!! Fascinating and funny video, loved it.

I've just started my Brilliant trial! I love everything about this program and hope I can stay engaged enough to make it valuable. I struggle with traditional learning, as evidenced by my total inability to math, so I'm eager to see if they have finally found a way to make it make sense!

For whatever reason the human car wash had me absolutely rolling. 😂 When you said it was probably for mental hospitals I laughed so hard I cried. Am I going to hell? 😂

Crazy inventions are one of my favorite things. I can't believe you only had one from the Victorian era. They had so many! One of my favorites is the Tempest Prognosticator, displayed at the Great Exhibition no less. You should just start another channel totally devoted to crazy inventions.

Just finished the part about the rat treadmill. I happen to know of someone who's learning to walk again who's paralyzed from the waste down (sledding accident, the same hill claimed a few lives around the same time). There's 2 lines of nerves that travel down the spine, the nerves on the inside control muscles and the ones on the outside receive sensory information. In many cases it's only the outside nerves that get severed which means it's actually possible to control the muscles but not feel anything. With therapy patients can learn to walk without feeling. Of course there are many challenges to this and the girl I know of actually has much stronger legs post accident because it takes a lot of strength to maintain stability when you can't feel your legs.
Note: I typed this on mobile, editing on mobile sucks.

Dang you stepping up your game. Excellent acting and camera work. Excellent writing. Killing it buddy good work.

Fun fact: The inventor of the butt kicking machine also patented a machine that would automatically pick one up by their bootstraps with an auxiliary patent awarded for the automatic faceplant machine.

Hi Joe, that last one was a doozy!!!! Whether it would work is delusional but hilarious. The rat treadmill though may have been based on the findings that came from the work done by the team who worked with Chris Reeve after his accident. Before him it was strongly believed that nerve cells could not be regrown, and that once the spinal cord was damaged there was no hope for the patient. He said "No way, not me" and proceeded to have them walk him, have him ride mechanical bikes, get daily massages, take him swimming, and in general move him everyday as if he was not paralyzed from the neck down. This is when they discovered that nerves can and will build whole new path ways if given enough time. Sadly for Chris he didn't have that time, but by the time he died he have feeling in his body and had begun to be able to move toes and fingers even if only slightly.
As for the auto bath, ONG that would be the worst thing you could ever put an infirmed person through. Many of them suffer from Dementia, they already are terrified of being touched, undressing them is almost tantamount to SA for them, and to be placed on a moving conveyer while being sprayed with water would literally kill them. An interesting concept but beyond cruel to carry out.
And as for the last one, 1 That woman has never had kids, 2 I'm sure it was the man who cam up with that idea, 3 I'm sure it was probably an exercise to see if they would be able to get a patent for something soooooooo ridicules, and 4 it was just an exercise in math and physics to see if it could be designed.

This was amusing and informative, but your comments on the baby thrower was hilarious! 😄
A part 2 would be great.🤭

The centrifugal birthing machine ... maybe it's intended to be an alternative to using metal tools to pull a baby's head through. The "instrument birth" thing has always sort of horrified me.

The high five machine reminds me of Simone Giertz's Proud Parent Machine. You put a quarter in the slot and it pats you on the shoulder and a recorded voice (Adam Savage, as it happens) says, "Proud of you, son."
She made it during lockdown. It was a crazy time.

This was a super fun episode! I would love to see you do a part 2. In the vein of the high 5 and butt kicking inventions - Simone Giertz built a "Proud Parent Machine" on her youtube channel that pats you on the shoulder and tells you it's proud of you. It's a very fun watch (she got Adam Savage to do the voice for it). She didn't patent it (maybe she should?) but it this case it actually got built and exists. She did it about 3 years ago (in order to find it search her name and proud parent).

The bathing thing was terrifying. And then you told what was the purpose behind that, which made it 10x worse.
If G forces would be beneficial during birth, wouldn't it be easier to just create a system with more vertical position? I think there are some positions for that, and they are not used commonly, so I doubt it gives huge amount of advantage. Also, one of the better way is to give birth is in water, and there pressure is even greater than just air. And of course the issues of it being not humane, risky, without possibility for doctors to control the birth and react in case of emergency and other. I hope those are obvious and don't need discussing on why it is a bad idea.

Bowling induced my wife’s labor. Delivery date was projected around third week of January. We were doing date night on the day before New Years Eve, went bowling and the contractions started coming about 5 min apart, so we dipped out early and got a room at the hospital.

Hey Joe, there's an expression: it's cold enough to freeze the balls off a brass monkey. It comes from the Royal Navy and has to do with stacking cannonballs on a brass block called a monkey. That's probably where the bright spark got the idea for a patent.
If that is the case and someone was trying to make a truism from olden times true in the modern world - it's a little bit genius.

i would totally use the auto human shower thing. if someone developed this thing to the point where you could get squeeky clean and dried in 30 seconds to a minute, i could see it becoming a staple in society. the concept is brilliant, its an S tier for me!

Ok, my mom died of pancreatic cancer literally right in front of my eyes, I watched her decline day by day and as she had a harder time physically, she had a harder time psychology. It was a struggle to keep her spirits up and a big part of it was preserving her basic human dignity as she was slowly less and less able to do things like use the bathroom and shower on her own. As her son it was awkward for me to help her with these things just because she was a woman and I am a man. Hospice helped but I thank God for my wife because it would have been alot harder than it even was if I had been the one that had to help her all the time. The first thing I thought of when I saw that "human carwash" was my mom. I wish they had taken that idea and built on it. It would probably help alot of people

"For every quantum computer, there's a monkey ball dropper.", Joe Scott, 2023. I never thought I'd be hearing that when I woke up this morning.

Honestly the automated bathing system could be adapted and be an amazing thing to help people with mobility problems (cerebral palsy, quadriplegia, stroke, etc.) to be more independent!! Obviously it would need some major changes, and would need to be sized down to be able to fit in a house, but I could see that being very helpful for those who need it. It could help caregivers as well, giving peace of mind that their patient/loved one is safe in the shower

LOVE your acted scene as an intro to the subject. I know it must be a lot of work. Writing a good and funny dialog and then act it out and edit it. It came out great. Thank you for the video :)

As someone who's worked with mentally and physically impaired people and bathed them regularly, yeah, that washer would've been a GODSEND for both the manual labor and time involved with hand washing, given it'd been refined enough to be safe. Also, in eliminating the need for touch outside loading and unloading, it'd help to reduce the opportunity for sexual abuse.

Great videos! This is one of the best channels ever! Thanks so much for posting these awesome videos!

You already know of course, there’s an actual actor/performer in you! Please do more bit segments
That said - and I meant every word - go for more quick paced editing! You’re acting timing is great, the editing a bit slow

This skit really shows the range you have. You sir are an excellent educator, you have a knack for making learning painless and fun. I think a part two would definitely be worth making.

The automated bathing facility is going to become a smashing hit with the human clone / super soldier manufacturers 100 years from now.
The question is whether or not the patent will have attained public domain status.

Patents are a rich source for ideas. Sometimes, patents can be re-worked into viable solutions to today's needs.

The one that stopped me was the toilet breathing device. Sounds like a reasonable idea at first, if really unpleasant. I'm a scuba diver. There is a reason snorkels are so short. Beyond a foot or two, you're just breathing the same exhaled air over and over. It depletes the oxygen REALLY FAST. So after a few breathes, you're just breathing the same already used air over and over. Seeya!

Fun fact, there is a piece of hardware called a "brass monkey" and it holds iron cannon balls, but because of the differing properties, when it gets cold, the brass monkey can constrict making the cannon balls fall off, this being "cold enough to freeze the balls off a brass monkey" became an expression
Clearly someone decided to run with the joke for the invention in the clvideo

I remember a charity fundraiser where I could donate $50.00 for the chance to throw a pie at my boss's face. If the butt-kicking machine was there instead, it would have been a bit hit!

I worked in a Patent Drafting office for a bunch of years and the 2 craziest things we did was a Space Elevator from a Doctor in Jamaica and a "Perpetual Motion" Device with magnets. We did a lot of Army/Navy things too. Those were mostly flow charts and diagrams with phrases like "Victim Array" and "Less than Lethal" on them.

Please make more like this! I would even watch a whole series of these.

This was very entertaining! Looking forward to the second video. Love your work!

I think the ass kicking chair should be installed in the patent office in place of waiting room chairs.

There was a game when we were kids, and I say we because I'm about the same age as Joe, that was literally called "The Inventors". It had a board reminiscent of Monopoly. The point was to roll dice, move your piece, and land on a crazy invention that someone else hadn't bought yet. You collected as many inventions as you could afford and then began to collect "patent claims" on each invention when you landed on that square. These were numbered tags that were multipliers of the invention's values. The best part that entertained my little lizard brain as a Gen X child was the "roll-o-matic" dice roller that was the centrepiece of the board. You loaded the dice in the top, pressed a spring-loaded lever, and the dice would travel down the device, ring a bell and be deposited in the lower tray with your roll. There was also a side chute where the patent claim number tags were stacked upside down so that no one but the claimant could see the numbered result of a claim. Trading ensued too. Anyway, there was indeed one invention that I distinctly remembered which was the automatic hat-tipper that Joe featured. My understanding of it as a child was that it sort of floated your hat on your head a bit so that you could tip your head slightly and the device would exaggerate that into a full-on hat tip without you having to take your hat off. Supposedly the inventions in the game were all real patents. Here's the amazon ad: www.amazon.com/Inventors-Parker-Brothers-Crazy-Inventions/dp/B000O0ELW4

A quick note about the baby flinger-at the time, the approach to childbirth was to take a woman in labor and knock her out, having her deliver while unconscious. So putting her in a contraption to make the process go faster seemed entirely logical.
What it didn't think about, though, was any damage the extra force would have on the vagina. Or what happens if the baby doesn't fly directly into the net.

I like that the birthing machine rings a bell when done, that way the doctor does not have to pay attention to the process, they can do something else, like catch up on their reading.

The crime skeleton is my favorite piece of trivia that I had forgotten about, thank you!!

As a tip for anyone who wants to file a patent application. Pick a local patent lawyer. Someone you can sit down with and ask a lot of questions. Someone you can have a good conversation with.

I would love to see another video discussing this. Also, the opening skit was hilarious.

Maybe the human car wash could be useful for people who work is stinky places like a sulphur factory for example. You finish work stand on a conveyer belt and do a few laps of showered with soapy water 😅. It would be quicker than everyone waiting for a shower lol.

If you read the explanation on the patent paperwork in the skit at the beginning, it's for a breathing apparatus that connects through toilet water in high rise buildings allowing people to breath fresh air through a tube in case of fires, also referenced at minute 12:40 in the video. The more you know... 🤪

The effort you put into your sketches are next level.
You are my favourite UAclipsr of all time, hands down!!
Comedy and Science.
Heck yea!

I loved the rotating birth table, specially because my wife is a couple weeks from giving birth. Question: if I use the table without the catching net, and my daughter is born here in Russia, but she lands from the birth across the border in Finland, does she have right to a european passport?

Regarding the automated bath; Back in the 80s i worked in a nursing home on what was called the "non-ambulatory" wing. With an old and frail population, most of whom were not capable of standing, let alone climbing into a tub or shower, and many of whom had some combination of confused frightened and angry, Bath time was by far the most injury prone part of the job, both for patients and for staff. If we could have sent them through a car wash i think we would have.

You have to love Joe's skits!❤

Joe and Simone Giertz should do a collab video where they test out some of these!

My great-great-grandfather Thomas Spacie was granted quite a few patents in his lifetime, his first being in 1903. Some were strange for their day, at least in the US, like several designs of drive apparatus for front wheel drive automobiles. His true passion, however, was rollerskate. Or so it would seem. He had over a dozen patents for various skate designs that were intended to streamline manufacturing and profitability. The most interesting one, to me, was US876245A. This was a combination roller and ice skate, where the user could swap out wheels for blades whenever needed.

Not sure about in the US, but in certain parts of the UK, to say 'It's'Brass Monkeys', means it's very cold. Comes from the phrase, "Freeze the balls off a brass monkey" which had something to do with the means of transporting cannon balls around a ship - when it got cold, the metal would contract, and the cannon balls would fall off it... so the legend goes.

I can't believe you talked about that monkey thermometer without mentioning the phrase "freeze the balls off a brass monkey"!

So you can actually tell the quality/competence of the patent's writer based on how detailed the patent description is. You actually want the shortest patent description you can get away with without copying someone else's patent because it protects the most expansive version of your idea. Patent lawyers who are good or otherwise very invested in your idea will take this approach every time, so whoever wrote the hat-tipping patent did a good job.

Part Deux is definitely warranted!

I find it a low key tragedy that two butt-kicking machines were highlighted in this video and not ONE Red Foreman joke. It was right there!

Honestly a car wash for people sounds pretty fun, I want to try one

That last one, no one needs to make that!!! Lol. I’m a mom of 3 and even though giving birth IS hard, there is NO WAY anyone is strapping me to that contraption ! Hahaha
Please part 2, Joe! And I LOVED your opening skit!

I love you. I just love you so very, very much. Laughed for at least 20 out of the 27 min segment.
Thank you for your hilarious content & subtle delivery of true comedic genius.
I f*ing love you man!

Actually I could really go for the automated bathing thing at the beach, though I think chairs would work better to take you through the wash. It would be fantastic at busy beaches to wash the sand out of everywhere (I mean everywhere) and no need to get naked, just leave on the bathing suit. 🏖

I wish you had told us if they were ever made. I would love to know if the crime skeleton ever got made and used?

Please make episode 2. The funniest video you’ve made; you almost killed me. I had to pause it at about the beginning of the human car wash in order to begin breathing again.

The human car wash reminds me of a scene from a Warhammer 40K novel where tech priests were preparing people to be made into lobotomized cyborg slaves. So yeah, I'm right there with you in being creeped out by it.

I respect the amount of effort you put into the skit, its always nice when UAclipsrs put extra dedication to the contenr

Although not quite a high-five machine, Simone Giertz did create a “proud parent” machine that pats you on the back for a job well done. The video is on this site.
The first thing that came to my mind when “ringing a bell” was mentioned was the Seinfeld episode where George and Lloyd Braun compete who can sell the most computers.

You know, that monkey ball one does make some minor sense. Thermometers are largely visual, so having an audio queue to tell a person with poor vision when a certain temperature is reached has merit.
Edit: Human carwash? Didn't The Jetsons do that with their automated wake-up routine?

I'm waiting for part 2, 3, 4, to infinity.... That last patent in the S tier was a total troll move though 😆