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The Craziest Inventions Tier List

  • Опубліковано 22 вер 2023
  • Visit www.brilliant.org/answerswithjoe to start learning STEM for free, and the first 200 people will get 20% off their annual premium subscription.
    Human ingenuity knows no bounds. From a skeleton meant to elicit confessions from criminals to a butt-kicking machine to a baby delivery device that shoots the baby out with centrifugal force, these are some actual ideas that actual people have gotten actual patents for. God help us all.
    Here are the patents:
    The Crime Skeleton
    High Five Apparatus
    Butt Kicking Machine
    Butt Kicking Machine X4
    Toilet Breather
    Saluting Hat
    Rat Treadmill
    Brass Monkey Ball Drop
    Plow Gun
    Bathing Machine
    Baby Flinger
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    0:00 - Intro Sketch
    3:34 - History of Patents
    6:29 - The Crime Skeleton
    8:19 - The High Five Machine
    9:38 - Butt Kicking Machine
    12:39 - Toilet Breathing Hose
    14:18 - Saluting Device
    15:19 - Rat Treadmill
    17:18 - Brass Monkey Ball Drop
    18:14 - The Plow Gun
    19:15 - Automated Bathing Facility
    21:45 - Sponsor - Brilliant
    23:00 - The Baby Flinger
  • Наука та технологіяНаука та технологія


  • Salahudeen Iqbal
    Salahudeen Iqbal 3 місяці тому +833

    Can we just agree joe has the most diverse dining room possible? What other room has acted as a boardroom, the location of a time travel bubble and an ASMR testing facility

    • K U
      K U 3 місяці тому +19

      Also where the famous debate of Math vs Maths occurred!

    • Melissa BigMac
      Melissa BigMac 3 місяці тому +17

      @Gunther Ultrabolt Novacrunch so fast forward. I love the skits, and I'm positive I'm not alone in that love. They're far superior to "middle school skits." Joe includes timestamps in the show notes and you can also see them in the line itself.

    • Linda Seel
      Linda Seel 3 місяці тому +2

      ​@Melissa BigMac Well said, well said! 😊

    • CaRtSkEy5150
      CaRtSkEy5150 3 місяці тому +4

      ​@Gunther Ultrabolt Novacrunch Geez grumpy, get over yourself and make your own videos.

    • Joshua Rolen
      Joshua Rolen 3 місяці тому +3

      I live in the same city where Joe Armstrong who invented the 4-foot butt-kicker lived!

  • Liam Collinson
    Liam Collinson 3 місяці тому +27

    The crime skeleton is just so fun its the sort of thing Disney would make if they owned a prison

  • Liam McNulty
    Liam McNulty 3 місяці тому +16

    “For every Quantum Computer there is a Monkey Ball Dropper” truly words to live by

  • J.Charles R.
    J.Charles R. 3 місяці тому +204

    This could easily become a series - easy enough to create and research while entertaining and educational! More please!

    • Giovanny Rosales
      Giovanny Rosales 3 місяці тому

      Make part two

    • DraggedBelow
      DraggedBelow 3 місяці тому +2

      The intro? Or the episode?
      Yes...I'm being sarcastic.

    • Giovanny Rosales
      Giovanny Rosales 3 місяці тому

      @DraggedBelow the episode

    • CJC 3636
      CJC 3636 Місяць тому +2

      Yeah, creepy guy selling ideas to billionaire guy could work for sure! Joe! That's good quality sketch comedy.

  • Chris Baldock
    Chris Baldock 3 місяці тому +173

    The metal monkey is an expertly nailed dad-pun on the phrase "It's freezing in here, cold enough to freeze the balls off a brass monkey"

    • Coda Highland
      Coda Highland 3 місяці тому +8

      That funky monkey!

    • Ned Frankly
      Ned Frankly 3 місяці тому +3

      That chunky monkey!

    • skpy
      skpy 3 місяці тому +11

      This is an actual thing. The brass frames on old war ships that held the pyramid of cannon balls on deck were called brass monkeys. When the temperature dropped far enough, the 'monkey' would shrink and the cannon balls would roll off!

    • Coda Highland
      Coda Highland 3 місяці тому +3

      @skpy Sadly, that's apocryphal. A monkey was a naval slang term for a gun, yes, and they could be made of brass, but they could be made of iron too. And the expressions go far beyond just that one -- "talk the tail off of a brass monkey" is another saying that obviously can't be based on cannonballs.

    • stew
      stew 2 місяці тому

      I still use this term today , and its "Brass Monkey Weather"

  • K G
    K G 3 місяці тому +39

    That centrifugal birthing table... I laughed so hard. And when you mentioned the net, all I could think was "that's going to leave a mark". 😂😂

    • Dr Truth
      Dr Truth 2 місяці тому +3

      To find a person with a permanent net scar should be the primary mission of all of us now! We could then and only then determine if this patent was ever put into production.
      😆 Thank you, KG!

  • atoth62
    atoth62 3 місяці тому +633

    Automated bathing facility sounds like something out of a Wallace and Gromit skit.

    • Brieana Straiton
      Brieana Straiton 3 місяці тому +46

      Legit there's a Shawn the sheep episode where the sheep build a human bath for the farmer bc he's gross. They like tied him to a lawn chair when he's asleep and attach him to this crazy pulley system that takes him through the pool that they filled with soap while they have scrubbies on sticks to scrub him then out of the water and through a collection of fans and hair dryers. There's more to it but that's the gist. And yes I have a 6 yo who loves Shawn the sheep and we watch almost daily lol. It's a pretty funny spin off of Wallace and gromit

    • Pixel Penguin
      Pixel Penguin 3 місяці тому +8

      should be S tier tbh

    • Shadrick Adams
      Shadrick Adams 3 місяці тому +7

      Cracking wash, Gromit!

    • Kristian Wontroba
      Kristian Wontroba 3 місяці тому +4

      Sans the conveyance part, it couldbe a fun novelty for a beach area/water park I guess? 😂

    • Eric Emenhiser
      Eric Emenhiser 3 місяці тому +7

      I was thinking the Jetson's

  • Michelle Thong
    Michelle Thong 3 місяці тому +76

    DEFINITELY want a part 2! This was hilarious and I'm glad you got to do your first tier list!

  • JimJam
    JimJam 3 місяці тому +68

    I love your opening skits. Not many educational content creators do that and it's entertaining af

  • Yosefa R. Huber
    Yosefa R. Huber 3 місяці тому +120

    My 13 year old daughter has severe mental and physical challenges, including cerebral palsy and autism. When you were first describing the people car wash, I agreed it seemed creepy and inhumane. But on second thought, my daughter loves water and wind and would probably really enjoy a people wash "ride". I don't think she experiences embarrassment, but she is strong enough to hurt herself and others. I don't know how people could be comfortably secured and still get thoroughly cleaned, but I can see the appeal.

    • Aconitum Napellus
      Aconitum Napellus 3 місяці тому +9

      Give her a hug and/or whatever ever makes her feel happy from me.

    • Steve G
      Steve G 3 місяці тому +10

      I wasn't against the idea of the invention of a machine that washes a human that can't wash themselves properly. But I would definitely alter the design of it to be more humane. How about a dunk-tank Jacuzzi kind of design instead?

    • drippingwax
      drippingwax 3 місяці тому +12

      I once bought a car wash nozzle with a soap dispenser and ever since have wanted a body wash dispenser built into my shower head, maybe with a foaming brush attachment.

    • drippingwax
      drippingwax 3 місяці тому

      @Aconitum Napellus My brother with autism hates hugs--so I make sure that I hug him regularly.

    • Lex Machina
      Lex Machina 3 місяці тому +13

      Nah, that's just a stupid idea.
      Whatever your mental or physical state, you should never be tied when in a fragile situation (naked).
      If mobility or mental state is an issue, you treat humans individually and humanely, not like a car.
      This is by no means a problem solver or an improvement in the way we treat people.

  • Kevin Luo
    Kevin Luo 3 місяці тому +43

    There needs to be a subreddit dedicated to crazy patents, especially with so many new ones coming out each day.

  • M Salazar
    M Salazar 3 місяці тому +35

    Definitely a multi-part series is needed Joe. This subject has so much potential. Perhaps an on-going, never ending series. And in a vernacular reminiscent of you Joe, “highly inspirational”. Who knows what great inventions will spawn from your bringing to light these mind blowing ideas. Even better would be to find the working model of some of these. The possibilities, as with the patent content, seem endless……
    I truly enjoy your work, Joe.

  • gcasarotto
    gcasarotto 3 місяці тому +273

    You should make an episode 2, make up a fake patent and mix it in for the audience to guess

    • Joseph Chavez
      Joseph Chavez 3 місяці тому +9

      That sounds awesome

    • Nicholas Adams
      Nicholas Adams 3 місяці тому +9

      Love that idea!! I would already guess the butt kicking machine was a fake. LOL

    • My penis is unbelievably small, but
      My penis is unbelievably small, but 3 місяці тому

      This is an amazing idea

    • 0neIntangible
      0neIntangible 3 місяці тому +5

      Definitely more episodes like this, perhaps a series or develop into another of Joe's sub channels.
      Fans could also possibly submit ideas to Joe, to have an audience vote on; which one(s) could be submitted for an actual patent application, and could be crowd funded by us fans, for the investigative inquiry (discovery of prior similar applications), as well as lawyers and filing costs, if not too prohibitive.
      Or mebbe not.
      "Cordless hammer" was one of my favourite goofy quips to my colleagues, when I was in the electrical trade a few years back.

    • paper mario
      paper mario 3 місяці тому +1

      This is brilliant! I hope he sees this!

  • Rodd Dos Santos
    Rodd Dos Santos 3 місяці тому +17

    You have, have, HAVE to make this an ongoing segment!
    You said it yourself, you'd have heaps of material to work with!
    I laughed my head off not to mention learned something new! 😆

  • Helge Moulding
    Helge Moulding 3 місяці тому +19

    "Cold enough to freeze the balls off a brass monkey" - A few decades ago me and my friends were debating the origins of this, and I got the distinct impression one of them filed that patent just to have something to point at and go "haw." After looking up the patent again I don't recognize the name, but of course that kind of joker, while not common, isn't going to be unique.

    • Leann Gay
      Leann Gay 3 місяці тому +2

      In answer to the origin debate: A brass monkey is a brass triangle that held cannon balls on a ship in a triangular pyramid stack. When the temperature would get cold enough, the brass would contract just enough to pop the balls off of the brass monkey and scatter them across the deck.. hence the phrase.

    • Mr Joe
      Mr Joe 22 дні тому +1

      @Leann Gay That's way less fun than my mental image of a monkey made of brass having his balls fall off because it's too cold.

  • Sean Meiller
    Sean Meiller 3 місяці тому +33

    As a patent examiner, one of my favorite sayings in the job is "stupid gets patents"

    • PanhandleJake
      PanhandleJake 2 місяці тому +1

      Examiners (& patent attorneys) are a special breed. I have read MANY competitor patents as well as filed several of my own. The phraseology used in patents was very hard to get used to and it is still difficult to interpret in order to understand the specification in a patent. The claims are a little easier. I know that the purpose of the approach is to minimize how an explanation may be interpreted, but it does introduce its own level of confusion.

  • The Viscount
    The Viscount 3 місяці тому +9

    One of my favorite patents was a mouse trap design. It consisted of a pressure plate and a lever. It also had a device to hold a revolver pistol. That's right. This patent is for a mouse trap conversion kit for a firearm.

  • TimeBucks
    TimeBucks 3 місяці тому +833

    Great intro Joe

  • Fulmer Duckworth
    Fulmer Duckworth 3 місяці тому +362

    I'm a nurse who works with dementia patients. In my opinion about the human car was is it should be in the F category. Traumatizing the patient is an understatement. When bathing confused patients the best solution for doing it safely is direct human interaction. We have to bath our patients as calmly as possible and communicate with them the entire time. Constant reassuring that they are ok. The whole issue with cleaning confused patients is they do not understand what we are doing and why we are doing it. From their perspective they almost always feel like they are being attacked and which is why they fight us. The more we can reassure them that we are helping and not attacking the better things go.

    • Thelango99
      Thelango99 3 місяці тому +31

      Back in the 60's, the future dream was having as many tasks done by machine as possible.
      There even existed a fast food resturant that made the burgers with next to no human intervention (when it didn't break down ofc).

    • Andrew Roberts
      Andrew Roberts 3 місяці тому +43

      I thought of this more for able-minded individuals who may have physical disabilities that prevent them from washing themselves without assistance. It could provide a level independence and avoid uncomfortable situations where a caregiver would normally have to assist in bathing.
      My Grandmother died from a fall in the shower bc she didn't want her caregiver to help. This would have saved her life.

    • Joe Scott
      Joe Scott  3 місяці тому +108

      I'm glad to see I was right to be creeped out by it.

    • InknbeansPress
      InknbeansPress 3 місяці тому +36

      I appreciate the fact that you are a person who cares for dementia patients and also watches Joe Scott. I also appreciate that you took the time to educate all of us a little bit about the serious, sobering realities of those experiencing dementia. Thank you.

    • Off Grid Carnivore
      Off Grid Carnivore  3 місяці тому

      Screw that and them to Canada for end of life care

  • Scott Koenig
    Scott Koenig 3 місяці тому +11

    Part Two Please! This was absolutely fascinating and you ended on the perfect invention and gave it the same ranking I would!😅

  • Inservio
    Inservio 3 місяці тому +3

    Screw part two, this needs to be a SERIES. I haven't laughed this much all week!

  • William Orr
    William Orr 3 місяці тому +4

    There was an expression that was very popular back in the 1980s in Britain and Ireland: "cold enough to freeze the balls off a brass monkey". It sounded great (hey, the 1980s, ok) but few people knew where it had come from. It was an expression used in the navy, I believe. A brass monkey was the name of a kind of frame made of brass that held stacked cannon balls (made of iron). When things got really cold, the (cannon) balls would develop a layer of frozen condensation (water), which could cause them to fall of the brass monkey (the cannonball holder). Hence the frase, "it's real brass-monkey weather" or "it's cold enough to freeze the balls off a brass monkey". So some wiseass has decided to produce a brass monkey dropping balls based on a particular temperature - brilliant if you were alive and swearing in the 1980s in Britain and/or Ireland.

  • RJ
    RJ 3 місяці тому +9

    Love when Joe plays other characters than his usual character. LOL

    • Peter Allan
      Peter Allan 3 місяці тому +1

      They are all real. He has multiple Joe disorder and is often watching us on the tangent cam.

  • MK Peace
    MK Peace 3 місяці тому +8

    Bring on part 2, Joe.. this 1 was highly entertaining😂

  • Nancy Cowell-Miller
    Nancy Cowell-Miller 3 місяці тому +425

    Yes! Part 2! And I'm glad you brought the silly sketch opening back! ❤

    • pvic
      pvic 3 місяці тому +5

      why stop at 2?? lets have a part 2,3,4, AND 5!

    • OctoScorpion
      OctoScorpion 3 місяці тому +9

      I can't believe he said "can't get someone to touch your little wee wee". I'm still recovering from that 😂

    • AvangionQ
      AvangionQ 3 місяці тому +8

      When part 2 comes out, keep this tier list and expand upon it.

    • codecane77
      codecane77 3 місяці тому +3

      He should bring those characters back with every part!

    • pvic
      pvic 3 місяці тому +2

      @codecane77 amazing idea!! YES

  • Cat
    Cat 3 місяці тому +20

    Yay! You're on trending, Joe! That's awesome. You are one of my favorite creators and I am excited for more people to discover this channel. Congratulations!

  • Christoph Grimmer
    Christoph Grimmer 3 місяці тому +5

    I've been in a human car wash and it was amazing. It was at a festival and one would walk through the thing instead of hanging from a hook. Loved it 😁

  • Grug
    Grug 3 місяці тому +5

    Yes to part 2! Loved them all!
    I think you did the "Saluting Device" a bit of an injustice however - it most certainly had a place in it's time. Especially in the 1800's, lifting your hat ("I tips me lid") in greeting was commonplace. That said, a machine to do it for you could be considered rude. I do love that it is triggered when you dip your head or bow. 🤷

    • Dana Towne
      Dana Towne Місяць тому

      I thought the same thing! Being able to use your hands for something else (pre cell phone) was pretty ingenious, I think. :)

  • Timothy Gathings
    Timothy Gathings 3 місяці тому +8

    We need more of your sketches to start the episode! You always kill it! Knowledge with a true laugh out loud!

  • Deadlyish
    Deadlyish 3 місяці тому +8

    The rat treadmill reminds me of the shrimp treadmill controversy. Something that sounds ridiculous but actually has a worthwhile contribution to make to research (shrimp treadmill helped measure safe levels of pollutants in water by measuring their effect on shrimp's health).

  • Ash_hole51
    Ash_hole51 3 місяці тому +67

    Joe, I humbly ask you to PLEASE make a part 2, I’m sick and this really brightened my day!

    • Joe Scott
      Joe Scott  3 місяці тому +20

      Sorry you’re not feeling good.

    • Ash_hole51
      Ash_hole51 3 місяці тому +9

      @Joe Scott Awh thanks! I’ll be okay, thanks for the video to help me feel better. My fiancée and I love your channel!

    • Gabor Kukucska
      Gabor Kukucska 3 місяці тому +1

      Here for part too 🙌 and for your full recovery ✨️

  • Zane C Yaz
    Zane C Yaz 3 місяці тому +8

    I think the "finite impulse response filiter and receiver" is kind of an improved Analog to Digital Converter/Digital to Analog Converter/SDR device that when used to capture a specific radio signal (for instance, espcially given the diagram shown next to the patent's quotation) it ultimately is able to store digitally a signal that when reproduced doesn't rely solely on many small samples taken used the Nyquist Sampling Theorem's dictum (which leaves a record of discrete value points that need to be put through a DAC's "Connect the Sinusoidal Dot"'s process in order to reproduce a nearly perfect (in 99% of cases where irregularities probably approaching the planck length at this point) analog version of the captured signal/data/etc. What this means is that while our own government has restricted the export of high powered, high frequency ADCs and DACs in order to keep the ability of quick pulse burst RF communications a technology in the dark, this patented machine would be able to detect the signal no matter how quickly its phase shifts, frequency modules, amplitude modulates, etc....
    At least this is my guess, I had a seizure not long ago so I may not be pulling all the correct info together, but I feel confident in my thoughts put in text here.

  • Anonymous Rex
    Anonymous Rex 3 місяці тому +3

    Definitely want to see more crazy inventions... looking forward to parts 2 through 10. Love the channel!

  • hw2k
    hw2k 3 місяці тому

    I was a little bit put off when you mentioned the tier list, but after watching the full episode and also seeing your excitement about the idea, yes please! This needs to be series 🙌

  • Inservio
    Inservio 3 місяці тому +1

    The monkey ball dropper actually has a correlary from the ancient world. A chinese (correct me if I'm wrong) urn with a pendulum inside, connected to pushrods extending out through the urn wall, each attached to the lower jaw of one of the little dragons around the outside of the urn. Each dragon had a metal ball clamped by that lower jaw mechanism, which dropped when the pendulum swung towards that direction. I believe it was an earthquake detector or something like that, but the concept is basically like tilt indicators on modern freight.

  • Bill Clawson
    Bill Clawson 3 місяці тому +1

    FIR filters are fairly common. The patent you mentioned is probably related to the application. When I was working in disk drives, we generated a lot of patents which ended up being used like a currency with other drive companies.

  • CyclonicNinja
    CyclonicNinja 3 місяці тому +80

    We definitely need a part 2, this video was both fascinating and hilarious

  • Nicholas Moore
    Nicholas Moore 2 місяці тому

    Joe, you have got to bring us more of these!! Fascinating and funny video, loved it.

  • Hezabelle77
    Hezabelle77 3 місяці тому

    I've just started my Brilliant trial! I love everything about this program and hope I can stay engaged enough to make it valuable. I struggle with traditional learning, as evidenced by my total inability to math, so I'm eager to see if they have finally found a way to make it make sense!

  • Blake Miner
    Blake Miner 2 місяці тому

    For whatever reason the human car wash had me absolutely rolling. 😂 When you said it was probably for mental hospitals I laughed so hard I cried. Am I going to hell? 😂

  • Mitz Smith
    Mitz Smith 3 місяці тому +3

    Crazy inventions are one of my favorite things. I can't believe you only had one from the Victorian era. They had so many! One of my favorites is the Tempest Prognosticator, displayed at the Great Exhibition no less. You should just start another channel totally devoted to crazy inventions.

  • Gregory Norris
    Gregory Norris 25 днів тому

    Just finished the part about the rat treadmill. I happen to know of someone who's learning to walk again who's paralyzed from the waste down (sledding accident, the same hill claimed a few lives around the same time). There's 2 lines of nerves that travel down the spine, the nerves on the inside control muscles and the ones on the outside receive sensory information. In many cases it's only the outside nerves that get severed which means it's actually possible to control the muscles but not feel anything. With therapy patients can learn to walk without feeling. Of course there are many challenges to this and the girl I know of actually has much stronger legs post accident because it takes a lot of strength to maintain stability when you can't feel your legs.
    Note: I typed this on mobile, editing on mobile sucks.

  • David Lobaugh
    David Lobaugh 3 місяці тому +99

    Dang you stepping up your game. Excellent acting and camera work. Excellent writing. Killing it buddy good work.

  • C. Thomas-Riggs
    C. Thomas-Riggs 21 день тому

    Fun fact: The inventor of the butt kicking machine also patented a machine that would automatically pick one up by their bootstraps with an auxiliary patent awarded for the automatic faceplant machine.

  • Ann West
    Ann West 2 місяці тому

    Hi Joe, that last one was a doozy!!!! Whether it would work is delusional but hilarious. The rat treadmill though may have been based on the findings that came from the work done by the team who worked with Chris Reeve after his accident. Before him it was strongly believed that nerve cells could not be regrown, and that once the spinal cord was damaged there was no hope for the patient. He said "No way, not me" and proceeded to have them walk him, have him ride mechanical bikes, get daily massages, take him swimming, and in general move him everyday as if he was not paralyzed from the neck down. This is when they discovered that nerves can and will build whole new path ways if given enough time. Sadly for Chris he didn't have that time, but by the time he died he have feeling in his body and had begun to be able to move toes and fingers even if only slightly.
    As for the auto bath, ONG that would be the worst thing you could ever put an infirmed person through. Many of them suffer from Dementia, they already are terrified of being touched, undressing them is almost tantamount to SA for them, and to be placed on a moving conveyer while being sprayed with water would literally kill them. An interesting concept but beyond cruel to carry out.
    And as for the last one, 1 That woman has never had kids, 2 I'm sure it was the man who cam up with that idea, 3 I'm sure it was probably an exercise to see if they would be able to get a patent for something soooooooo ridicules, and 4 it was just an exercise in math and physics to see if it could be designed.

  • YellowstoneKV
    YellowstoneKV 3 місяці тому

    This was amusing and informative, but your comments on the baby thrower was hilarious! 😄
    A part 2 would be great.🤭

  • net gnostic
    net gnostic Місяць тому

    The centrifugal birthing machine ... maybe it's intended to be an alternative to using metal tools to pull a baby's head through. The "instrument birth" thing has always sort of horrified me.

  • Mike Reeves-McMillan
    Mike Reeves-McMillan 2 місяці тому

    The high five machine reminds me of Simone Giertz's Proud Parent Machine. You put a quarter in the slot and it pats you on the shoulder and a recorded voice (Adam Savage, as it happens) says, "Proud of you, son."
    She made it during lockdown. It was a crazy time.

  • Tigershire W
    Tigershire W 3 місяці тому +164

    This was a super fun episode! I would love to see you do a part 2. In the vein of the high 5 and butt kicking inventions - Simone Giertz built a "Proud Parent Machine" on her youtube channel that pats you on the shoulder and tells you it's proud of you. It's a very fun watch (she got Adam Savage to do the voice for it). She didn't patent it (maybe she should?) but it this case it actually got built and exists. She did it about 3 years ago (in order to find it search her name and proud parent).

    • Dilbert Prager
      Dilbert Prager 3 місяці тому +7

      Simone is the best

    • Not My Name
      Not My Name 3 місяці тому +2

      Yes! I immediately thought of that video

    • Logjammer D'baggagecling
      Logjammer D'baggagecling 3 місяці тому +3

      That's super depressing if you actually think about it.

    • Brandon Laird
      Brandon Laird 3 місяці тому +5

      I forgot about the Proud Parent Machine, but I was going to mention her alarm clock which slaps you awake. Slaps you over and over and over again.

    • Global warming i̶s̶ h̶o̶t̶
      Global warming i̶s̶ h̶o̶t̶ 3 місяці тому +3

      Simone has the weirdest but fun projects

  • Syriusz B
    Syriusz B 2 місяці тому +1

    The bathing thing was terrifying. And then you told what was the purpose behind that, which made it 10x worse.
    If G forces would be beneficial during birth, wouldn't it be easier to just create a system with more vertical position? I think there are some positions for that, and they are not used commonly, so I doubt it gives huge amount of advantage. Also, one of the better way is to give birth is in water, and there pressure is even greater than just air. And of course the issues of it being not humane, risky, without possibility for doctors to control the birth and react in case of emergency and other. I hope those are obvious and don't need discussing on why it is a bad idea.

  • Honky Tonkinson
    Honky Tonkinson 3 місяці тому

    Bowling induced my wife’s labor. Delivery date was projected around third week of January. We were doing date night on the day before New Years Eve, went bowling and the contractions started coming about 5 min apart, so we dipped out early and got a room at the hospital.

  • Gareth Barlow
    Gareth Barlow 3 місяці тому

    Hey Joe, there's an expression: it's cold enough to freeze the balls off a brass monkey. It comes from the Royal Navy and has to do with stacking cannonballs on a brass block called a monkey. That's probably where the bright spark got the idea for a patent.
    If that is the case and someone was trying to make a truism from olden times true in the modern world - it's a little bit genius.

  • king betalot
    king betalot 3 місяці тому

    i would totally use the auto human shower thing. if someone developed this thing to the point where you could get squeeky clean and dried in 30 seconds to a minute, i could see it becoming a staple in society. the concept is brilliant, its an S tier for me!

  • Mat Chavez
    Mat Chavez 3 місяці тому

    Ok, my mom died of pancreatic cancer literally right in front of my eyes, I watched her decline day by day and as she had a harder time physically, she had a harder time psychology. It was a struggle to keep her spirits up and a big part of it was preserving her basic human dignity as she was slowly less and less able to do things like use the bathroom and shower on her own. As her son it was awkward for me to help her with these things just because she was a woman and I am a man. Hospice helped but I thank God for my wife because it would have been alot harder than it even was if I had been the one that had to help her all the time. The first thing I thought of when I saw that "human carwash" was my mom. I wish they had taken that idea and built on it. It would probably help alot of people

  • David Adams
    David Adams 3 місяці тому +59

    "For every quantum computer, there's a monkey ball dropper.", Joe Scott, 2023. I never thought I'd be hearing that when I woke up this morning.

  • Motionless _ Horizon
    Motionless _ Horizon 22 години тому

    Honestly the automated bathing system could be adapted and be an amazing thing to help people with mobility problems (cerebral palsy, quadriplegia, stroke, etc.) to be more independent!! Obviously it would need some major changes, and would need to be sized down to be able to fit in a house, but I could see that being very helpful for those who need it. It could help caregivers as well, giving peace of mind that their patient/loved one is safe in the shower

  • computerjantje
    computerjantje 3 місяці тому +1

    LOVE your acted scene as an intro to the subject. I know it must be a lot of work. Writing a good and funny dialog and then act it out and edit it. It came out great. Thank you for the video :)

  • Custos
    Custos 3 місяці тому

    As someone who's worked with mentally and physically impaired people and bathed them regularly, yeah, that washer would've been a GODSEND for both the manual labor and time involved with hand washing, given it'd been refined enough to be safe. Also, in eliminating the need for touch outside loading and unloading, it'd help to reduce the opportunity for sexual abuse.

  • Flambart Photography
    Flambart Photography 3 місяці тому

    Great videos! This is one of the best channels ever! Thanks so much for posting these awesome videos!

  • K T
    K T 2 місяці тому

    You already know of course, there’s an actual actor/performer in you! Please do more bit segments
    That said - and I meant every word - go for more quick paced editing! You’re acting timing is great, the editing a bit slow

  • Brandon Bakehorn
    Brandon Bakehorn 3 місяці тому +102

    This skit really shows the range you have. You sir are an excellent educator, you have a knack for making learning painless and fun. I think a part two would definitely be worth making.

  • Anand Sharma
    Anand Sharma 21 день тому

    The automated bathing facility is going to become a smashing hit with the human clone / super soldier manufacturers 100 years from now.
    The question is whether or not the patent will have attained public domain status.

  • Guy Pehaim
    Guy Pehaim 3 місяці тому

    Patents are a rich source for ideas. Sometimes, patents can be re-worked into viable solutions to today's needs.

  • Gil René
    Gil René 20 днів тому

    The one that stopped me was the toilet breathing device. Sounds like a reasonable idea at first, if really unpleasant. I'm a scuba diver. There is a reason snorkels are so short. Beyond a foot or two, you're just breathing the same exhaled air over and over. It depletes the oxygen REALLY FAST. So after a few breathes, you're just breathing the same already used air over and over. Seeya!

  • Echo Hanna
    Echo Hanna Місяць тому

    Fun fact, there is a piece of hardware called a "brass monkey" and it holds iron cannon balls, but because of the differing properties, when it gets cold, the brass monkey can constrict making the cannon balls fall off, this being "cold enough to freeze the balls off a brass monkey" became an expression
    Clearly someone decided to run with the joke for the invention in the clvideo

  • net gnostic
    net gnostic Місяць тому

    I remember a charity fundraiser where I could donate $50.00 for the chance to throw a pie at my boss's face. If the butt-kicking machine was there instead, it would have been a bit hit!

  • Jason Huppert
    Jason Huppert 3 місяці тому +73

    I worked in a Patent Drafting office for a bunch of years and the 2 craziest things we did was a Space Elevator from a Doctor in Jamaica and a "Perpetual Motion" Device with magnets. We did a lot of Army/Navy things too. Those were mostly flow charts and diagrams with phrases like "Victim Array" and "Less than Lethal" on them.

    • David Anderson
      David Anderson 3 місяці тому +4

      Your comment deserves WAY more clicks.

    • Old Chippy
      Old Chippy 3 місяці тому +8

      @David Anderson He can't. 18 hours ago he was disappeared for talking about Perpetual motion and DoD in the same post.

    • Jason Huppert
      Jason Huppert 3 місяці тому +3

      Well my "REDACTED" told me if I mentioned "REDACTED" then I'd "REDACTED", so I guess I'll be headed to "REDACTED" for the time being.

    • Jason Huppert
      Jason Huppert 3 місяці тому

      The perpetual motion device was a private citizen and he patented the idea, not the functionally. Cause that doesn't exist. Seriously, we did some cool stuff for Lockheed Martin. Like those high altitude balloons and lots of equipment adaptation for the F-16.

    • I'm the captain now
      I'm the captain now 3 місяці тому

      @Jason Huppert 😆😆😆🤫😄😐😬 haha. Perpetual motion... without somehow breaking the known laws of physics, good luck with that, random private citizen. FBI: get him bois he knows too much.

  • Sarah Elizabeth
    Sarah Elizabeth 3 місяці тому

    Please make more like this! I would even watch a whole series of these.

  • Felicia Carli
    Felicia Carli 3 місяці тому

    This was very entertaining! Looking forward to the second video. Love your work!

  • Joe Wyatt
    Joe Wyatt Місяць тому

    I think the ass kicking chair should be installed in the patent office in place of waiting room chairs.

  • Green Druid
    Green Druid 3 місяці тому

    There was a game when we were kids, and I say we because I'm about the same age as Joe, that was literally called "The Inventors". It had a board reminiscent of Monopoly. The point was to roll dice, move your piece, and land on a crazy invention that someone else hadn't bought yet. You collected as many inventions as you could afford and then began to collect "patent claims" on each invention when you landed on that square. These were numbered tags that were multipliers of the invention's values. The best part that entertained my little lizard brain as a Gen X child was the "roll-o-matic" dice roller that was the centrepiece of the board. You loaded the dice in the top, pressed a spring-loaded lever, and the dice would travel down the device, ring a bell and be deposited in the lower tray with your roll. There was also a side chute where the patent claim number tags were stacked upside down so that no one but the claimant could see the numbered result of a claim. Trading ensued too. Anyway, there was indeed one invention that I distinctly remembered which was the automatic hat-tipper that Joe featured. My understanding of it as a child was that it sort of floated your hat on your head a bit so that you could tip your head slightly and the device would exaggerate that into a full-on hat tip without you having to take your hat off. Supposedly the inventions in the game were all real patents. Here's the amazon ad: www.amazon.com/Inventors-Parker-Brothers-Crazy-Inventions/dp/B000O0ELW4

  • Xelto Grait
    Xelto Grait 3 місяці тому

    A quick note about the baby flinger-at the time, the approach to childbirth was to take a woman in labor and knock her out, having her deliver while unconscious. So putting her in a contraption to make the process go faster seemed entirely logical.
    What it didn't think about, though, was any damage the extra force would have on the vagina. Or what happens if the baby doesn't fly directly into the net.

  • SlyPearTree
    SlyPearTree 3 місяці тому +88

    I like that the birthing machine rings a bell when done, that way the doctor does not have to pay attention to the process, they can do something else, like catch up on their reading.

    • David Anderson
      David Anderson 3 місяці тому +15

      Advanced models come with umbilical cord snippers and clampers, plus one of those high-five machines adapted to administer a light slap to the baby's backside so it will start to breathe.

    • FLPhotoCatcher
      FLPhotoCatcher 3 місяці тому +2

      I think it would work if it spun at least three times faster. After the kids popped out on it grow up, they will always walk like captain Jack Sparrow, but at least they have a good excuse.

    • Aaron Armstrong
      Aaron Armstrong 3 місяці тому

      Or smoke cigarettes

  • Dedy4games
    Dedy4games 3 місяці тому

    The crime skeleton is my favorite piece of trivia that I had forgotten about, thank you!!

  • trix Rabbit
    trix Rabbit 2 місяці тому

    As a tip for anyone who wants to file a patent application. Pick a local patent lawyer. Someone you can sit down with and ask a lot of questions. Someone you can have a good conversation with.

  • Daniel Waters
    Daniel Waters 3 місяці тому

    I would love to see another video discussing this. Also, the opening skit was hilarious.

  • Ian Metcalfe
    Ian Metcalfe 3 місяці тому +1

    Maybe the human car wash could be useful for people who work is stinky places like a sulphur factory for example. You finish work stand on a conveyer belt and do a few laps of showered with soapy water 😅. It would be quicker than everyone waiting for a shower lol.

  • Koto Gray
    Koto Gray 2 місяці тому

    If you read the explanation on the patent paperwork in the skit at the beginning, it's for a breathing apparatus that connects through toilet water in high rise buildings allowing people to breath fresh air through a tube in case of fires, also referenced at minute 12:40 in the video. The more you know... 🤪

  • Samuel Thudi
    Samuel Thudi 3 місяці тому +64

    The effort you put into your sketches are next level.
    You are my favourite UAclipsr of all time, hands down!!
    Comedy and Science.
    Heck yea!

    • scrappy doo
      scrappy doo 3 місяці тому +2

      I wish I could like this multiple times 😄

  • Gustavo Piai
    Gustavo Piai 3 місяці тому +3

    I loved the rotating birth table, specially because my wife is a couple weeks from giving birth. Question: if I use the table without the catching net, and my daughter is born here in Russia, but she lands from the birth across the border in Finland, does she have right to a european passport?

  • SloLerner
    SloLerner 3 місяці тому

    Regarding the automated bath; Back in the 80s i worked in a nursing home on what was called the "non-ambulatory" wing. With an old and frail population, most of whom were not capable of standing, let alone climbing into a tub or shower, and many of whom had some combination of confused frightened and angry, Bath time was by far the most injury prone part of the job, both for patients and for staff. If we could have sent them through a car wash i think we would have.

  • Tyler Durdin
    Tyler Durdin 3 місяці тому +1

    You have to love Joe's skits!❤

  • makorinc
    makorinc 3 місяці тому

    Joe and Simone Giertz should do a collab video where they test out some of these!

  • Shorty LaVen
    Shorty LaVen 3 місяці тому

    My great-great-grandfather Thomas Spacie was granted quite a few patents in his lifetime, his first being in 1903. Some were strange for their day, at least in the US, like several designs of drive apparatus for front wheel drive automobiles. His true passion, however, was rollerskate. Or so it would seem. He had over a dozen patents for various skate designs that were intended to streamline manufacturing and profitability. The most interesting one, to me, was US876245A. This was a combination roller and ice skate, where the user could swap out wheels for blades whenever needed.

  • Matt Egan
    Matt Egan 3 місяці тому +79

    Not sure about in the US, but in certain parts of the UK, to say 'It's'Brass Monkeys', means it's very cold. Comes from the phrase, "Freeze the balls off a brass monkey" which had something to do with the means of transporting cannon balls around a ship - when it got cold, the metal would contract, and the cannon balls would fall off it... so the legend goes.

    • iangelling
      iangelling 3 місяці тому +2

      I think it’s just colloquial. I’m sure Joe would know this, but apparently the contraction rate of brass would mean that the monkey would have to be huge, or the temperature drop enormous. Like 100c.

    • EctoMorpheus
      EctoMorpheus 3 місяці тому +4

      This is great, now I just need a science / DIY UAclipsr like Nighthawkinlight or Nilered to actually freeze the balls off a brass monkey statue

    • matt gonzales
      matt gonzales 3 місяці тому +1

      a brass monkey is oj in beer lol

    • Justin Natasmai
      Justin Natasmai 3 місяці тому +3

      Brass monkey....that funky monkey

    • Matt Egan
      Matt Egan 3 місяці тому

      @matt gonzales Is that how Oranjeboom is made?

  • Caitlin
    Caitlin 2 місяці тому

    I can't believe you talked about that monkey thermometer without mentioning the phrase "freeze the balls off a brass monkey"!

  • Stephanie Schaffer
    Stephanie Schaffer 2 місяці тому

    So you can actually tell the quality/competence of the patent's writer based on how detailed the patent description is. You actually want the shortest patent description you can get away with without copying someone else's patent because it protects the most expansive version of your idea. Patent lawyers who are good or otherwise very invested in your idea will take this approach every time, so whoever wrote the hat-tipping patent did a good job.

  • Martin Bruun
    Martin Bruun 3 місяці тому

    Part Deux is definitely warranted!

  • asiabrew81
    asiabrew81 16 днів тому

    I find it a low key tragedy that two butt-kicking machines were highlighted in this video and not ONE Red Foreman joke. It was right there!

  • Higgledy Piggledy Cubledy
    Higgledy Piggledy Cubledy 2 місяці тому

    Honestly a car wash for people sounds pretty fun, I want to try one

  • Nanno
    Nanno 3 місяці тому +56

    That last one, no one needs to make that!!! Lol. I’m a mom of 3 and even though giving birth IS hard, there is NO WAY anyone is strapping me to that contraption ! Hahaha
    Please part 2, Joe! And I LOVED your opening skit!

    • Momszy Cat
      Momszy Cat 3 місяці тому +1

      I agree!

    • Emma Connell
      Emma Connell 3 місяці тому

      Snap!! I'd be sick and faint!

    • 0o0eM
      0o0eM 3 місяці тому +5

      I mean, the child is not the only thing that comes out during labor 😳 I wouldn't want to be appointed to paint the walls...

    • Momszy Cat
      Momszy Cat 3 місяці тому +1

      @0o0eM 🤣

    • Nanno
      Nanno 3 місяці тому

      @0o0eM touché

  • Private Private
    Private Private 3 місяці тому

    I love you. I just love you so very, very much. Laughed for at least 20 out of the 27 min segment.
    Thank you for your hilarious content & subtle delivery of true comedic genius.
    I f*ing love you man!

  • Enviro Mental
    Enviro Mental 3 місяці тому

    Actually I could really go for the automated bathing thing at the beach, though I think chairs would work better to take you through the wash. It would be fantastic at busy beaches to wash the sand out of everywhere (I mean everywhere) and no need to get naked, just leave on the bathing suit. 🏖

  • QQ
    QQ 3 місяці тому

    I wish you had told us if they were ever made. I would love to know if the crime skeleton ever got made and used?

  • Mad Lang
    Mad Lang 3 місяці тому +1

    Please make episode 2. The funniest video you’ve made; you almost killed me. I had to pause it at about the beginning of the human car wash in order to begin breathing again.

  • Flibber Nodgets
    Flibber Nodgets 3 місяці тому

    The human car wash reminds me of a scene from a Warhammer 40K novel where tech priests were preparing people to be made into lobotomized cyborg slaves. So yeah, I'm right there with you in being creeped out by it.

  • Heisenberg
    Heisenberg 3 місяці тому +105

    I respect the amount of effort you put into the skit, its always nice when UAclipsrs put extra dedication to the contenr

    • James Blackburn
      James Blackburn 3 місяці тому +16

      its always nice when UAclips commenters put extra dedication to the last letter of their commenp

    • Brad Miller
      Brad Miller 3 місяці тому +16

      @James Blackburn How rude. You should apologizr

    • Andrew Hall
      Andrew Hall 3 місяці тому +12

      @James Blackburn This type of comment is exactly why the comment section is so toxic, this is absolutely disgustinf.

    • Ivory AS
      Ivory AS 3 місяці тому +8

      @Andrew Hall
      I can't help but agree tbg

    • L33Reacts
      L33Reacts 3 місяці тому +7

      I love it when bots pretend to be peoplr

  • Max Power
    Max Power 3 місяці тому

    Although not quite a high-five machine, Simone Giertz did create a “proud parent” machine that pats you on the back for a job well done. The video is on this site.
    The first thing that came to my mind when “ringing a bell” was mentioned was the Seinfeld episode where George and Lloyd Braun compete who can sell the most computers.

  • silversonic1
    silversonic1 3 місяці тому

    You know, that monkey ball one does make some minor sense. Thermometers are largely visual, so having an audio queue to tell a person with poor vision when a certain temperature is reached has merit.
    Edit: Human carwash? Didn't The Jetsons do that with their automated wake-up routine?

  • vazqueeziee
    vazqueeziee 3 місяці тому +1

    I'm waiting for part 2, 3, 4, to infinity.... That last patent in the S tier was a total troll move though 😆