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Paris Paloma - labour [Official Video]

  • Опубліковано 22 бер 2023
  • labour | Available to listen or download here: parispaloma.ffm.to/labour
    Subscribe to Paris Paloma's UAclips channel: parispaloma.ffm.to/ytsubscribe
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    Instagram: parispaloma
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    Lyrics (click/tap CC to see subtitles):
    Why are you hanging on
    So tight
    To the rope that I’m hanging from
    Off this island
    This was an escape plan
    Carefully timed it
    So let me go
    And dive into the waves below
    Who tends the orchards?
    Who fixes up the gables
    Emotional torture
    From the head of your high table
    Who fetches the water
    From the rocky mountain spring
    And walk back down again
    To feel your words and their sharp sting
    And I’m getting fucking tired
    The capillaries in my eyes are bursting
    If our love died, would that be the worst thing?
    For somebody I thought was my saviour
    You sure make me do a whole lot of labour
    The calloused skin on my hands is cracking
    If our love ends, would that be a bad thing?
    And the silence haunts our bed chamber
    You make me do too much labour
    Apologies from my tongue
    Never yours
    Busy lapping from flowing cup
    And stabbing with your fork
    I know you’re a smart man
    And weaponise
    The false incompetence
    It’s dominance under guise
    If we had a daughter
    I’d watch and could not save her
    The emotional torture
    From the head of your high table
    She’d do what you taught her
    She’d meet the same cruel fate
    So now I’ve gotta run
    So I can undo this mistake
    At least I’ve gotta try
    The capillaries in my eyes are bursting
    If our love died, would that be the worst thing?
    For somebody I thought was my saviour
    You sure make me do a whole lot of labour
    The calloused skin on my hands is cracking
    If our love ends, would that be a bad thing?
    And the silence haunts our bed chamber
    You make me do too much labour
    All day, every day, therapist, mother, maid
    Nymph then virgin, nurse then a servant
    Just an appendage, live to attend him
    So that he never lifts a finger
    24/7 baby machine
    So he can live out his picket fence dreams
    It’s not an act of love if you make her
    You make me do too much labour
    Director: Adam Othman
    Producer: Giulia Lopes
    Director of Photography: Theo Brinch
    1st AC: Rafal Rakoczy
    Gaffer: Will Jessel
    BTS: Jamal Thomas
    Art Director: Paris Paloma
    Art Assistant: Morgan Bull
    Paris Paloma
    Henry Hayward


  • Ari
    Ari 2 місяці тому +30453

    this is absolutely a love letter to women throughout history. as historian rosalind miles points out: part of the reason men were at the forefront of so much innovation throughout history isn’t just because of lack of education for women, but because they were free to do more with their time as women were carrying most domestic and emotional labour in the home.

    • Ashley Underwood
      Ashley Underwood 2 місяці тому +321


    • Michelle Tierney
      Michelle Tierney 2 місяці тому +86

      Who cooked Adam smiths dinner 📖

    • Aili Marie
      Aili Marie 2 місяці тому +526

      @Michelle Tierney His mom. he wrote his book while living in his mom's house

  • Egg
    Egg Місяць тому +1729

    A message to future generations: Don't let this song die

    • *snorts a line of lavender*
      *snorts a line of lavender* Місяць тому +5

      @donaven bruce why is this important rn?

    • Captain Firi
      Captain Firi 25 днів тому +11

      ​@donaven bruce how about no

    • Otaku
      Otaku 24 дні тому +6

      @donaven bruce okay Bruce of course of course, now let’s get u to bed

    • donaven bruce
      donaven bruce 24 дні тому

      @Otaku of course of course, you cannot talk to a horse 🐴

    • Strawberry Sangria
      Strawberry Sangria 22 дні тому +7

      @donaven bruce What exactly is your value? Big man go make money? Little ladies can do it too, and they can fold their own laundry. If that's all, then you aren't needed.

  • Anna Belle
    Anna Belle Місяць тому +1859

    1:55 "if we had a daughter i'd watch and could not save her" this part brings tears to my eyes every time i listen

    • cutiepie nico
      cutiepie nico Місяць тому +36

      Same cried when first heared that line hit me hard😢

    • Word Woman
      Word Woman 21 день тому +46

      I am that daughter. I saved myself. But my mom still cried when I pointed it out in adulthood and she realized what growing up under my father's thumb was actually like.

    • Alex Whyley
      Alex Whyley 13 днів тому +7

      @Word WomanSammmmmme. That part made me sob instantly soon as I heard it. So sad and cruel that it’s such a universal experience so many wives and daughters can relate to.

    • Kanak Sikarwar
      Kanak Sikarwar 12 днів тому +2

      Actually they can save bit they choose not to! That's how times are changing. The more you support your daughter the more you are saving her from all of this.

    • Georgia Lear
      Georgia Lear 10 днів тому +6

      This hit me hard too. I left. I wasn’t going to watch my daughter grow up thinking how I was being treated was anywhere near okay. That the example for her would to be bullied, beaten down, insulted, gaslit, manipulated, tricked and deceived while I worked my ass off to look after a man child. It wasn’t happening. I cut my losses for her sake and I thank god every day that I did.

  • Audrey Dahlman
    Audrey Dahlman Місяць тому +3325

    I absolutely love the symbolism in her choosing to eat a pomegranate. Pomegranates are used in so many ways in different religions and myths, but in every single one it is a symbol of womanhood, rebirth, or something of the sort. It’s such a powerful choice to use that as she eats in rebellion.

    • BunnyHop
      BunnyHop Місяць тому +21

      Thx. I didn't know that

    • Aaron Paul Dy Lusanta
      Aaron Paul Dy Lusanta Місяць тому +129

      The immediate thing that came to my mind was Persephone who was a captive of Hades, she is usually represented by pomegranates

    • mária kara
      mária kara Місяць тому +17

      yaaa also fertility i think ive heard

    • Andii Hú
      Andii Hú Місяць тому +55

      I like to think of it as her casting herself into hell to escape him! The pomegranate in Greek mythology is what kept Persephone from her mother in the underworld!

    • Ashley N
      Ashley N 28 днів тому +42

      The Bible never actually names the fruit in the Garden of Eden. While Western tradition has the fruit as an apple they aren’t indigenous to the Middle East. A pomegranate would make more sense.

  • Lorelei
    Lorelei Місяць тому +2960

    I love the double meaning of "so he never lifts a finger", but I love even more that it's only implied. This song doesn't have to just be about someone who's deliberately, physically abusive. It can also be about the average husband, the generally "nice" guy to whom it doesn't even _occur_ how unbalanced the relationship has become. He takes care of the kids sometimes (maybe once or twice a week), he does other chores (as long as she neatly keeps track of which chores are His, asks him nicely, and patiently waits for him to do them on his timetable), he even cooks dinner from time to time (when the wife buys all the ingredients he needs for him). He's not violent, and he doesn't have to be. Society's programming has worked the violence for him so efficiently he doesn't even have to be aware it's there.
    When I say "average husband", by the way, I mean statistically--the numbers show that women in straight relationships are disproportionately responsible for the housework and childcare, even when they _also_ have a job. If you're a man, and this song doesn't apply to you, that's awesome that you and your partner have a healthier dynamic! And if this song does, well, this is a great opportunity to take the initiative in fixing things. "Taking the initiative" is one of the heaviest burdens to bear in housework; don't put that on her, too.
    EDIT: I didn't like how I referred to physical abusers as "cartoon abusers", nor how I tried to declare what the song was "about", so I edited those lines to be a bit clearer about what I meant.

    • Lorelei
      Lorelei Місяць тому +70

      (When I say "straight relationships", I don't mean just straight partners involved. As a bi girl, I could wind up in the exact same boat if I started dating guys.)

    • Jeanne D'arc
      Jeanne D'arc Місяць тому +98

      Thank you for pointing out that this song is talking about a sadly pretty common situation !
      I think a lot of men who will listen to this song will not even realise they have some of these behaviours because it's so ingraved in us (men and women) the patriarchal roles that we don't even realise the relationship is unbalanced and toxic, we just think it's the norm

    • Sarah K
      Sarah K Місяць тому +65

      I lowkey just had an epiphany. My boyfriends love language came back as acts of service, so I try to do some extra things to help around his place. We don’t live together, but sometimes I’ll do little things for him like the dishes or taking out the trash and other stuff. For that being his main love language I’ve always thought that he wasn’t as expressive with his gratitude as he would be for it to be his #1 way others can show him love. Sometimes I have to even point it out (which I can understand like the trash or dishes cause he has a room mate so he may think it’s just him doing it, but other things that I do are obvious that I would be the only that did it, and it’s weird you have to point it out sometimes.) now I’m thinking that subconsciously that that is just what he expects/thinks I’m supposed to do since I’m the women in the relationship so even it’s not a big deal that I go out of my way to make his life a little easier cause that’s what I should be doing. That’s not a lot language than, that’s just what society tells men were supposed to do and they expect it so they’re not gonna to say thank you if you do it. Wtf I’m spiraling now

    • Lorelei
      Lorelei Місяць тому +34

      @Sarah K Oh, gosh, from what I've heard, the whole love language thing is sort of hack relationship science. I hope you can work that out with him, because it sounds like it really sucks feeling unappreciated like that!

    • Ultra Violet
      Ultra Violet Місяць тому +13

      Violent husbands, unfortunately are not atypical.

  • mushroomdance
    mushroomdance Місяць тому +5769

    To all the men who are mad in the comments :If this song/ music video makes you mad and defensive, you are the kind of man that she is singing about. You're seeing yourself mirrored in this fictional man, and you are angry about it because you are being told your behavior is wrong.

    • Francesca
      Francesca Місяць тому +507

      If youre offended by this song, you clearly doing something wrong .

    • Maya McClaine
      Maya McClaine Місяць тому +246

      Fr, they really gettin mad over a song which is pathetic

    • nobody
      nobody Місяць тому +93

      Men are jealous of women ,

  • Tanya Darling
    Tanya Darling 2 місяці тому +4569

    I love that we don't see her face at the start, like how many women have lived and continue to live as faceless, nameless entities, whose work is never acknowledged as theirs - I love this song for so beautifully expressing both power and grief

    • Angy Moreno
      Angy Moreno 2 місяці тому +24

      i was thinking this too!!

    • Silver Alpha
      Silver Alpha Місяць тому +4

      Idk why this reminded me of Rosalind Franklin...

    • Pattern Recon
      Pattern Recon Місяць тому +1

      Loxist subversion
      Kalergi plan
      Minimum replacement birth rate: 2.1
      Israel birth rate: 3.00
      EU birth rate: 1.53
      Canada birth rate: 1.47
      USA birth rate: 1.70
      Australia birth rate: 1.66
      Russia birth rate: 1.50
      Ukraine birth rate: 1.23
      Moldova: 1.28
      Belarus: 1.38
      Serbia: 1.48
      Bulgaria: 1.56
      Romania: 1.60
      Albania: 1.58

    • Eclipsiscv
      Eclipsiscv Місяць тому +2

      It reminds me of a line from “Whatever you want” by Vienna Teng - “she’s just a dress wearing a face in the doorway.”

  • Gaillin Ruiters
    Gaillin Ruiters Місяць тому +1416

    I'm not even a wife yet, not even a girlfriend, but this song took a chainsaw to my soul. Sitting here silently while my rage is simmering for every women going through this.

    • Michael
      Michael Місяць тому +4

      No one dares mention what the men go through

    • Cabitsuchild
      Cabitsuchild Місяць тому +86

      @Michael women aren’t in positions of power to change things for men. But everyone women I know agree things are bad for men too hence this song about Labour I for one would be more than happy to split chores and work full time the main problem being have the choice to do this I’ve met many men who have these picket fence dreams who don’t want their women to have equality- feminism helps men and women

    • Cut meh twice
      Cut meh twice 29 днів тому +117

      @Michael Bro, why should women sing a song for us lmfao 💀. It’s our own fault anyways, since we were the one who created the goofy ahh standards anyway. Stop crying and go make a song if you’re so mad.

    • Drea
      Drea 26 днів тому +74

      ​@Michael bet u never actually mention mens issues unless its to undermine womens😂

    • Strawberry Sangria
      Strawberry Sangria 22 дні тому +39

      @Michael So, when's your song coming out, or did you want Paris Paloma to do that for you? You make her do too much labour!

  • DK
    DK Місяць тому +3906

    Can we just talk about how clever the line, “Nymph then a virgin” is like it just ties in the impossible standards that men have for women so perfectly. They are expected to have the bedroom experience of a nymph and be sexually arousing or seductive without ever actually having had sex before so they can still fulfil their sick fantasies of an untried virgin.
    Like, its all just so frustrating and impossible

    • antidote
      antidote Місяць тому +176

      Really on point. Nothing really has changed since medieval times, but now we got also entitled polygamists and pornculture and many pick me's enabling this depravity, saying it'd be empowering..

    • Bmoe
      Bmoe 26 днів тому +9


    • bijira
      bijira 24 дні тому +62

      ​Radfem Tahlia i certainly hope when you mean all misogyny you mean *all* misogyny, which includes the misogyny that targets our trans sisters

  • Emerickkie Ohlala
    Emerickkie Ohlala Місяць тому +8141

    As an Asian woman. This is what we were taught in our cultures. Be a girl in a set path, remain a virgin for your husband, be a good wife to warm his bed, be a baby maker to continue the bloodline, be the family's cook, be the family's maid and house keeper, be your husband's decoration so he could use you to brag to others. Time has change and things are getting better but there are still men and old people in our cultures who thinks of women as free slaves. All in the name of 'duty'.

    • Elizabeth Ukeh
      Elizabeth Ukeh Місяць тому +136

      I honestly don't mind doing all that for a loving man that provides my every need and want. But they don't exist

    • Emerickkie Ohlala
      Emerickkie Ohlala Місяць тому +585

      @ElizabethUkeh I think you're missing the point. It's not a choice for us, it's a chosen path by our parents and families and the people around our culture. If it's a choice then it's no problem but it isn't. Our women are groomed to be the perfect wife, daughter and basically a free modern slave. It's more than that

    • Avelin
      Avelin Місяць тому +163

      Not only asian cultures have that, we have something similar in all Eastern Europe:')

    • Joyce Joy
      Joyce Joy Місяць тому +24

      No money 💰 no honey 🍯

  • xPrincessGarnetXVI
    xPrincessGarnetXVI 28 днів тому +234

    I love how the song is introduced with this eloquent and poetic tongue and then right before the chorus she breaks out of it and goes "and I'm getting fucking tired."
    The shift is so perfect, so spicy and beautiful.
    It's just another aspect placed on women she is breaking away from - that swearing and speaking aggressively or speaking out in general is not seen as "lady-like."
    This woman is an absolute genius.

  • kacie frost
    kacie frost 19 днів тому +388

    My mom just left my abusive dad after 37 years of emotional torture, and I am beyond proud of her. I just sent this to her, if you see this mom, I love you!

    • May Life
      May Life 12 днів тому +16

      Congratulations! I’m sure your mother is deserving of better. 🎉

    • Signe Andersen
      Signe Andersen 8 днів тому +2

      You GO girl :D happy your out of thay

    • majasteinchen
      majasteinchen 7 днів тому +5

      Hey, Kacies Mom!
      You are not alone! You can be proud of yourself.
      I wish you a lot of strength and love ❤

    • PcPlum X
      PcPlum X День тому +1

      I'm currently trying to find the strength your mother had

    • matilda
      matilda День тому

      @PcPlum X i have faith in you!!!

  • Olivia Sonell
    Olivia Sonell 2 місяці тому +6404

    I love how this isn't about a physically abusive relationship but about how the labour demanded of women by patriarchs kills us.

    • Hassan Al Khalaf
      Hassan Al Khalaf 2 місяці тому +45

      And men don't do labour at all? They're all day up to work and get you the money for your house. Both do equal work yet men don't complain about it. Unless there isn't a physical abusive relationship no need to cry

    • Tiana
      Tiana 2 місяці тому +777

      @Hassan Al Khalaf Are you seriously run to You Tube, click on this particular song, scroll down dozens of comments just to say this? I thought men like you are "all day up to work" so what are you doing here? Also this song is direct toward the type of men who wants to "never lift a finger" so if you're not that type of men, "no need to cry".

    • A
      A 2 місяці тому +709

      @Hassan Al Khalaf it’s not equal work. There are many, many studies on how it’s not equal work. If it was equal work, it wouldn’t be so common to have men sitting enjoying themselves at every family gathering while the women are slaving in the kitchen. If it was equal work, my mother wouldn’t have to spend her whole Ramadan cooking while fasting to serve the iftar that the men expect, while they waltz in at the last minute after a whole day of doing nothing just to devour the fruits of a whole day’s labour in mere minutes without so much as a thank you. When you say things like that, you are disrespecting your mother.

    • Teagan
      Teagan 2 місяці тому +389

      @Hassan Al Khalaf Notice how no one agrees with you? Embarrassing.

  • jennifervan75
    jennifervan75 Місяць тому +815

    "So he never lifts a finger" has 3 meanings.
    1.That he never does any work.
    2.That he won't abuse her.
    3.That he won't acuse her. (Pointing)

  • chloee
    chloee Місяць тому +672

    My mother blasts this in the car when my father is also in the car. The look on his face is always priceless. Still waiting for them to get the divorce papers over with.

    • Kobain Peep
      Kobain Peep 25 днів тому +42

      Sounds totally healthy 😅 great 👍

    • Nick
      Nick 20 днів тому +3

      Yeah thats stupid

    • Run Around
      Run Around 19 днів тому +1

      you are sick

    • Aloe Vera
      Aloe Vera 18 днів тому +35

      Good on your mom, I hope this isn't too hard on you

    • Kitty Squad
      Kitty Squad 18 днів тому +19

      @Kobain Peep He should act right.

  • Smulenify
    Smulenify Місяць тому +494

    For some reason this made me think of a Norwegian folktale I haven't heard since I was a child. There is a husband who is always angry and constantly complains about his wife not doing enough at home; so one night the wife offers to switch places the next day, and the husband happily agrees. It goes terrible and the wife eventually comes home to find him stuck upside down in the porridge pot.
    I used to love hearing it as a kid, a grumpy man who gets taught a lesson and all. Now however it leaves a bitter taste in my mouth as I see how deep of an issue it still is today.

    • Jeanne D'arc
      Jeanne D'arc Місяць тому +6

      Do this folktail has a name ?

    • Smulenify
      Smulenify Місяць тому +46

      @Jeanne D'arc "Mannen som skulle stelle hjemme" is one of the names, it translates to "the man who was supposed to take care of the home".

    • Jeanne D'arc
      Jeanne D'arc Місяць тому +7

      @Smulenify Thank you !

  • Trixie
    Trixie Місяць тому +285

    For all the men saying "we men go through stuff too"
    Did we say you don't? This particular video is about women.
    And also another thing I'd like to add is, women, ourselves talk about OUR problems and bring attention to them OURSELVES. Everytime you see someone talk about womens issues, they are most likely women themselves. There are plenty of men that do support us but there are plenty of women that support you guys too! If you want to bring more attention to talk about YOUR problems, do it yourself.

    • Henry Jackson
      Henry Jackson 27 днів тому +3

      Men can't tho, else they're called weak. You honestly think if a man did a song like this they'd have such support? No way in hell

    • Treethateatsbees
      Treethateatsbees 27 днів тому +53

      @Henry Jackson Have you seen any of those videos like those of the "man SCHOOLS feminist modern women" type? It's FULL of people validating men's struggles. Make your own goddamn song. Fight your own goddamn fight. You think men support women?

    • Trixie
      Trixie 27 днів тому +27

      @Henry Jackson maybe it's just the neighborhood I live in but EVERY single women I've met is so amazingly understanding, we all gather up and have debates in our college, and we all support men! We always talk about social issues and by discussing this is how I got the point that women usually talk about our problems ourselves. I've never seen a women call a man weak for showing any type of emotion or crying in contrast to men calling EACH other weak because they saw the other cry and I've seen bullying happen ever since i was a kid! I will definitely admit there are many women who do also make fun of yall if yall show emotion or talk about your problems but so do we. Have you seen these comments? ANY video about women's struggles has hate comments on them. Hate comments are inevitable. Men should support each other and build a safe space where yall can talk about your problems and most women I know are sympathetic and will most certainly support you guys. I will too.

  • Brandi Swingley
    Brandi Swingley Місяць тому +2949

    I burst a capillary in my eye giving birth to my first daughter 12 years ago, and then pumped milk for her in a supply closet while she was under the lights for jaundice. It was so painful I bled, while her father told me my eye disgusted him and mooed at me for feeding her.
    When I made him food he didn't like, he'd spit it out into my hand.
    I'll probably never pay off the loans I took out to help support us both.
    It's been a decade, but the rage this song stirred in me is overwhelming.

    • Artemis
      Artemis Місяць тому +237

      I am so sorry you had go trough that

    • Brandi Swingley
      Brandi Swingley Місяць тому +344

      @Artemis I'm okay! I made it through, and all that life gave me and took from him almost makes me believe in a benevolent god lol. Everything he was ever proud of is gone and he's alone. I married the love of my life and couldn't physically be happier.
      Women can survive and grow in the worst conditions. ♥️

    • s thecoolbro
      s thecoolbro Місяць тому +103

      you are so incredibly strong, your daughter will grow with an amazing roll model

    • Brandi Swingley
      Brandi Swingley Місяць тому +25

      @s thecoolbro thanks friend ♥️

    • El the Ducc
      El the Ducc Місяць тому +51

      this is a heartbreaking story, I’m so glad you made it out. Some women have never escaped this type of situation and it breaks my heart. I’m so glad you’re doing better ❤

  • fozzyspots
    fozzyspots Місяць тому +11856

    this truly is a love letter to all the hundreds of millions of women who have lived and died, nameless and faceless and unappreciated, terrified and violated and unfulfilled, lonely and clever and murdered. we see you. we're sorry.

    • Manifest
      Manifest Місяць тому +83

      Well said 👏👏

    • CityKanin
      CityKanin Місяць тому +75

      Louder for the back row!

    • Rollins
      Rollins Місяць тому +12


    • Neko 🐯
      Neko 🐯 Місяць тому +47

      This made me tear up

    • Nandemonaiya
      Nandemonaiya Місяць тому +24

      LOUDER for those in the back 🎉

  • ema g. lee
    ema g. lee Місяць тому +388

    As a 16 year old hispanic girl- this song is so important to me. This is the life so many women in my family died living- and the mindset i still experience from the men in my family. And when i say that as soon as i turn 18 I'm leaving it- i mean it. The generations of women being trapped in this born and raised system of serving toxic and abusive men ends with me. And it's going to be hard- leaving my mom, my sister, my grandma- but I will never let my daughters and her children feel as worthless as the women in my family do. My daughter will live with a voice, that we didn't have before - and i won't have to apologize for giving her that life like my mother apologized to me. Her name, and her blood, won't trap her like it has me.

    • Rebekah Rutledge
      Rebekah Rutledge Місяць тому +22

      You have such amazing bravery! I turned 17 a few weeks ago. 18 will come quicker than you realize. I hope you are able to make a good plan so you can escape. Know that I have 100% confidence in you. ❤❤❤ Be brave!

    • Cleo
      Cleo 22 дні тому +6

      all love to you

    • RaspFor 01
      RaspFor 01 7 днів тому

      So many women in your family died SURVIVING, not living. Living is having a voice and being able to do things on your own. But as an eldest Hispanic daughter, this hit so hard, you have a lot more bravery than I do, and I hope that you go on to do amazing things, and have a voice that overpowers any man. Just know that a lot of women are rooting for you.

    • Justina Solomon they\them
      Justina Solomon they\them 4 дні тому

      I have confidence in you. I know you'll find the bravery to escape. You can apply to a college elsewhere.

  • Angel A.
    Angel A. Місяць тому +337

    THIS SONG HITS ALL WOMEN RIGHT IN OUR MITOCHONDRIAL 🧬 DNA( the one only mothers pass down) listening to this song you can feel the vibrations of the women in the past through this….

  • Aarushi Yadav
    Aarushi Yadav Місяць тому +426

    The fact that some people nowadays say that women aren't oppressed anymore or feminism isn't needed or is about 'female superiority' gets to me. I have seen it in my home. So many have. So many go through this everyday.

    • Bibiana Guadalupe Islas Herrera
      Bibiana Guadalupe Islas Herrera 17 днів тому +9

      Sadly, there are still modern women who think that other women shouldn't have rights of any kind.

    • Manifest
      Manifest 7 днів тому +5

      Yes even today I had a discussion with a trad woman. I said society punishes mothers so much. Everything is set up against mothers and they pay the price from all angles. She came back that looks like single women who have kids out of wedlock doesn’t work for them and then immediately contradicted herself that since society is setup in a way that benefits single moms they don’t choose their partners wisely and if welfare and other schemes are removed these women will choose better partners. So I asked her which is it? Does society benefit single mothers or doesn’t? She ran away. So many women are so cruel to other women. That is the biggest weapon that men have when they want to defeat women. They bring one woman who is so anti women. Recently in Manosphere channels they bring trad con women to argue and put down other girls. It is brut*al.

  • Amanda Uchiha
    Amanda Uchiha Місяць тому +400

    I also like the "nymph, then a virgin" line because as women we are expected to be craving our men, but if we vocalize things like how we WANT to be pleasured, we are silenced because men either can't handle being inadequate or we are literally just baby machines that shouldn't feel anything other than what men want us to feel and be readily available for their "basic human need". And then after it all parade us around like a matron saint of purity in the public to their peers and we are to remain quiet after having an unfulfilled sex life(i only ever had sex with one man for 7 years and he never made me orgasm), possible kids we didn't want (thank God I don't have any), and a public image we have to maintain unless we be seen as slutty or inappropriate even though men do the same and are celebrated. And then if we aren't in the mood, we are the bad ones (even if the aforementioned man made me sick everytime he had sex with me and when I wanted to prioritize my life after he hospitalized me several times with varying levels of bad infections, I'M irrational and that justified him to rape me.) This line and the "it isn't love if you make her" makes me feel heard and like I can hear the hurt of all women through time that felt similar (especially ones like myself that was in a misogynistic cult/religion and a bad relationship that ended worse.) I love this song so much and thank you for making it and giving women a voice that can't be silenced anymore!

    • Ame
      Ame Місяць тому +19

      I hope you're in a safer and more fulfilling place now ❤ screw being prim and polished trying to be perfect for the male and sexist gaze, we are allowed to be more, to be bold, loud, sexual, taking ownership of our bodies.

    • Amanda Uchiha
      Amanda Uchiha Місяць тому +21

      ​@Ame yes, exactly! I am in a much more stable place now and not ashamed of myself anymore, nor am I going to cheat myself out of good relationships because of an awful one that almost cost me my life in more ways than one! Sexism and racism and abuse have no place in my life and this song makes me see how far I came from being the quiet girl who was afraid to stand up for myself and how much more I empathize and am glad that even if it isn't right away, our voices get louder and one by one we can all make a way better for ourselves and those around us!

    • Amanda Uchiha
      Amanda Uchiha Місяць тому +15

      Also, not all men are the way I described, just a specific ex of mine and a religious cult's misogynistic ideologies in particular. The men in my life now are amazing and I am glad they are there for me as well and prove that not everyone in this world is a bad person and you may sift though coal, but you will find the diamonds!

    • Wolves
      Wolves Місяць тому +5

      Exactly 👏

    • Justicar Tiberius
      Justicar Tiberius 4 дні тому +1

      I'm sorry for your experiences. I hope that your life has changed drastically.

  • Bored Cat
    Bored Cat Місяць тому +746

    Singing this for my grandmother and mother, who gave EVERYTHING for a guy for them to disregard their labour and kill their women slowly.
    I broke this curse.
    My husband lets me eat first. I cook he does the dishes. I do the laundry he cleans the kitchen. I mop he scrubs. And if we don’t feel like doing labour, he pays for a maid. He pays for my needs. I clean after him he cleans after me. We are in this together. He tells me and shows me how much he appreciates me. Guys like him exist. Raise your son to be a guy like this.

    • R M.
      R M. Місяць тому +51

      Yes!! Cheers to all the women and men breaking the old cycles and demanding more, demanding a true partnership together. I'm so lucky to have that too. We have to be the change.

    • Amanda Hibbs
      Amanda Hibbs Місяць тому +10

      You caught a good one!

    • Gay Raccoon
      Gay Raccoon 29 днів тому +5

      Aawwww, this made me happier than it should have

    • Lauren
      Lauren 25 днів тому +13

      My partner is similar and it is a blessing. If I have a son, they will be raised this way too.

    • Shalaka Patil
      Shalaka Patil 20 днів тому

      Lucky you

  • Lux Luther
    Lux Luther 2 місяці тому +21501

    “So he never lifts a finger” can have two meanings. One, he never does work. Two, so he doesn’t hit.

    • Glen Gamble
      Glen Gamble Місяць тому +1220

      No, here it seems to have only one meaning, in context of the song-it’s called ‘labour’ and he ‘never lifts a finger’ to help. Period.

    • Autumn Rose
      Autumn Rose Місяць тому +1616

      It's whatever one interprets the song to be and what it means for that individual soul ..

    • Glen Gamble
      Glen Gamble Місяць тому +340

      @Autumn Rose nope. Words have meaning. And context.

    • Y A S H N Y
      Y A S H N Y Місяць тому +102

      The first one for sure

    • Queen ofBooks
      Queen ofBooks Місяць тому +1009

      or three, so he never points a finger and accuses, aka emotional labour

  • Lyra Chan
    Lyra Chan Місяць тому +36

    The pomegranate symbolism is powerful. This fruit represent fertility, marriage and desire but it can also represent death and feminine independence.

    • Ashley Speirs
      Ashley Speirs Місяць тому +5

      Yes! I see it as her eating her own six seeds. She’s committing to herself which is how she can disappear. She’s committed to her world. English teachers are gonna have a time with this! Haha

  • KnoeledgeWave
    KnoeledgeWave 7 днів тому +14

    As someone who has been fully transitioned to a man for over four years now, this song has put an anger in me for all the woman who came before me, and all the woman who continue to be forced to live in this condition. I never quite thought I’d feel this type of anger again, and it’s still just as frustrating to remember.

    • brick kold
      brick kold 5 днів тому +2

      Thank you so much for saying this. It says a lot that your body knows and remembers this pain.

  • Lia Hamilton
    Lia Hamilton 29 днів тому +181

    Yesterday after two years of emotional and physical abuse i took our 12 day old daughter and left

    • Sam Humphreys
      Sam Humphreys 29 днів тому +30

      I wish you guys the best, stay strong

    • Haristudytube
      Haristudytube 29 днів тому +25

      you are very strong. It takes a lot of courage to take this step. I wish my mother had done this for me. Thank you for saving yourself and your child.

    • raydar
      raydar 29 днів тому +12


    • Julia Micha
      Julia Micha 27 днів тому +9

      I wish you the best. You're so brave

    • Movie Clips
      Movie Clips 9 днів тому +3

      I wish I had the guts as you. I want to leave my husband take my 5year old son with me. 13 years with this man. I'm done

  • Nafissa Mouloudi
    Nafissa Mouloudi Місяць тому +154

    This is to my grandmother, a delicate elegant lady, a true artist who was married off at 12 to a 27y old cave man .
    And to my great grandmother, a 14y old slave who died giving birth , and no one remembers her name because she didn't even speak their language 😢.
    * I can now paint , hike , say no to marriage, become a doctor , take dancing classes , have my own money ...
    Thank u for the sacrifices❤

  • missiworld
    missiworld 9 днів тому +68

    I had a baby a few months ago, and nobody prepares you for how incredibly true all of this is once the baby arrives. All of the hidden labor that you already did is multiplied by 100, and things you need help with that should be absolutely obvious are all up to you. It is lonely, isolating, and infuriating.

    • Sophia Purcell-Green
      Sophia Purcell-Green 8 днів тому +9

      The feelings associated with asking for help makes being a single mum so much harder, because there’s shame (for whatever reason) associated with recognising that it takes a community to raise a child.

  • Ana Ionescu
    Ana Ionescu 2 місяці тому +2251

    The pomegranate is a symbol of renewal and rebirth in some cultures. The fact that that's the food she reaches for as she rebels against her 'master', and devours it hungrily, tells such a powerful story of aggressive protest against oppressors.

    • Martha Dumptruck
      Martha Dumptruck Місяць тому +163

      The pomegranate is also an established symbol of womanhood- to the Greeks, Gauls, Roma, and in Judaism. It’s been called “the fruit of the womb”. It’s not just renewal/rebirth- she’s claiming her womanhood fully, wholly for herself.

    • i love me
      i love me Місяць тому +79

      Also, idk if this has any relevance to what she is saying, but in the greek myth, Persephone gets trapped in the underworld because she eats hades pomegranate. She has to stay with him during the winter which is why the trees lose their leaves. SO it could be her reclaiming her womanhood and eating the pomegranate in spite of the man.

    • Hulitchigo
      Hulitchigo Місяць тому +71

      Its also a very difficult fruit to eat and stay relatively clean even when trying. If you just say screw it and go to town it could be seen as a symbol of everything "unladylike" messy, ungraceful, even savage if you go about it right, but true womanhood can easily include all of these things. Even though we often hide them

    • Rowanfrost
      Rowanfrost Місяць тому +11

      Stephen King actually uses the pomegranate symbolism in his book Rose Madder.

    • Hayley O
      Hayley O Місяць тому +26

      Just adding that it's also theorized the fruit Eve eats in Eden is a pomegranate, not an apple. There's a lot of layers to that choice in the video.

  • MooCowKris
    MooCowKris 27 днів тому +156

    I wonder what it feels like knowing you wrote a song that so perfectly encapsulates the rage and sadness of generations of women.

  • A Karaaslan
    A Karaaslan 21 день тому +11

    I have to prepare a presentation for school about any song we like and why we choose the song and I am going to choose this song❤

  • 전구름
    전구름 Місяць тому +291

    As a daughter of a father who always degrades me and tries to pick on me all the time, I relate to this song so much!!! Just last month, I got out of my depression phase and cleaned the whole house and I was pretty proud of it. But my "dad" caught that and mentioned it and told me I shouldn't be proud of cleaning because even MAIDs can do those works. Lol I don't even have any words for that.

    • Katie Pappas
      Katie Pappas Місяць тому +65

      Hi! Just let your ‘dad’ know ‘maids’ get PAID to clean. So he owes you some $$$ lol.

    • sewing thread gem
      sewing thread gem Місяць тому +26

      Make sure to tell him that the kids choose if the parents live with them or in a rundown nursing home in the shady part of town

    • kikwangb2uty
      kikwangb2uty Місяць тому +18

      I have a narcissistic father who I feel absolutely disgusted by his mere existence, everything he does is only for his own sake doesn't matter if we cried suffered or was emotionally drained, all he gives a f about is his needs & wishes I honestly wish death upon him, it's so sad.

    • 전구름
      전구름 27 днів тому +9

      @kikwangb2uty I'm so sorry to hear that... I hope we turn out better than those who broke us.💕

    • 전구름
      전구름 27 днів тому +2

      @Katie Pappas I know right!?

  • Humble pie and I
    Humble pie and I 13 днів тому +78

    At the prompting of this song I evicted my abusive ex from my home. At the prompting of this song I moved his stuff out. Never have I felt such power. The echo of "too much labour"
    It took a year to get him out and he was EVERYTHING in this song right down to the grooming of his son to be exactly as he is. No matter what I did I was drowning in all of it.

  • Dr. Henry
    Dr. Henry Місяць тому +294

    “I know you’re a smart man, and weaponise the false incompetence, it’s dominance under a guise.”
    I’m speechless.

    • Soft Lights
      Soft Lights 12 днів тому +14

      That line is also important to me because it reminds me of my personal experience. My Dad makes casual comments about how "men are sometimes just controlled by their dicks" and that they are often naturally bad with others' emotions, but his "boys will be boys" attitude only normalises such behaviour. He's also the type of guy to take men's rights really seriously, but make misogynistic comments without a second thought.

  • kiara rodriguez
    kiara rodriguez 2 місяці тому +4198

    The background vocals being children at the end enrages me and breaks my heart. This is a masterpiece. Every little detail is perfect

    • Em
      Em 2 місяці тому +118

      I didn’t even realize that my god

    • Nonya Business
      Nonya Business 2 місяці тому +53

      That's my favorite part😭😭

    • Universal Stupidity
      Universal Stupidity 2 місяці тому +121

      she has apparently said they aren't children, but it's still beautiful

    • Solus
      Solus 2 місяці тому +46

      I think it's young women, not kids

  • Chamomile
    Chamomile 11 днів тому +15

    Left a relationship where his mother wanted me to be all these things, and he was so proud she was forcing this down my throat.
    That’s really putting it in a “long story short” format… but man, this song makes me want to roar into the sky until god himself shutters from the shriek in my lungs.

  • Marwa Mohammed Abdeltawab
    Marwa Mohammed Abdeltawab 16 днів тому +53

    I’m currently trying to escape one these relationships for the sake of my unborn daughter… this song really did hit home for me..

    • xx
      xx 12 днів тому +5

      I wish you good luck, you are a great mother.

  • Alexandra Elizabeth
    Alexandra Elizabeth Місяць тому +195

    All the horrible men in the comments here only goes to heighten how prevalent the exploitation of women, women's labor and the constant effort my men to silence us is. This song is very relevant to our lives.

    • Gheata_Playz
      Gheata_Playz Місяць тому +8

      thankfully my parents raised me well and im not like that

    • Angelina Bonilla
      Angelina Bonilla Місяць тому +11

      ​@Gheata_Playz you definitely are like that, because if you weren't, you wouldn't feel the need to be so defensive. Males ALWAYS have to contest everything a woman says, no matter what, especially if what they say doesn't even contribute to the conversation. Men don't listen, they just want to hear themselves talk

    • Gheata_Playz
      Gheata_Playz Місяць тому +16

      @Angelina Bonilla i just said "thankfully my parents raised me well and im not like that" where did this come from

    • Pattern Recon
      Pattern Recon Місяць тому

      Kalergi plan
      Loxist subversion
      Minimum replacement birth rate: 2.1
      Israel birth rate: 3.00
      EU birth rate: 1.53
      Canada birth rate: 1.47
      USA birth rate: 1.70
      Australia birth rate: 1.66
      Russia birth rate: 1.50
      Ukraine birth rate: 1.23
      Moldova: 1.28
      Belarus: 1.38
      Serbia: 1.48
      Bulgaria: 1.56
      Romania: 1.60
      Albania: 1.58

  • It’s whatever
    It’s whatever 24 дні тому +83

    I love the line “Apologies for my tongue, but never yours” because women are expected to be quiet and submissive, not loud and outspoken like men. But the line also sounds like it could be “Apologies from my tongue” as women feel like they have to apologize for every little thing while men get a free pass. Simply amazing lyrics.

  • uona san
    uona san Місяць тому +220

    The fact that this is a universal experience between all of us women makes me want to cry so much.
    I feel this song in so many levels and I want to share it but all the people in my community would not approve of it.

    • salaah khayr
      salaah khayr Місяць тому +2

      Lol no it’s not. You all are NOT victims. Quit it

    • Emily Arrowsmith
      Emily Arrowsmith Місяць тому +18

      ​@salaah khayr Have you read the comments? Seriously you can see all of the silent pain and suffering of women collectively and still think this? Educate yourself.

    • salaah khayr
      salaah khayr Місяць тому +1

      @Emily Arrowsmith depends the context. The song is about victimizing women for traditional roles they endured (while nobody bat an eye for the part men endured) you are NOT a victim just because you cooked a meal or did some laundry.

    • Emily Arrowsmith
      Emily Arrowsmith Місяць тому +16

      @salaah khayr So many women are forced into those roles today, because that is what is expected of us. It's not about doing the laundry or cooking a meal. If that is actually what you believe we are enraged about then you're not listening.

  • amber61pop
    amber61pop 2 місяці тому +3963

    "Apologies from my tongue, and never yours." "If our love died would that be the worst thing? For somebody that I thought was my saviour, you sure make me do a whole lot of labour." I cried, these lyrics hurt so much. Thank you.

    • Harvard Psychic
      Harvard Psychic 2 місяці тому +44

      That line made me realize so much. I've had relationships with men of influence. I was drawn in under some idea that they would make my life easier and love me. But they almost always drain more from me then they give, and I do mean DRAIN. Looking back, if I had just given them the finger and invested that energy in myself then I would have been better off. Damn, the patriarchial PR system is so huge and insiidious.

    • S
      S Місяць тому +3


    • Peach🙏🏽
      Peach🙏🏽 19 днів тому +4

      @Harvard Psychic Patriarchy isn’t the problem, selfish and inconsiderate men are the problem. I’m currently learning to love myself and God because I put too much energy into selfish men in the past💯

  • arcane
    arcane 29 днів тому +123

    Seeing all these women from different cultures speaking about this is amazing, as an Afghan woman my culture literally treats women and girls this way but the girls are too blind to speak out against it.

  • Paige Billie
    Paige Billie 21 день тому +75

    You created not only a song , it's a spell and a call for all women all around the world. So thank you for speaking your heart and soul. THIS IS A MASTERPIECE

  • jessie mayfield
    jessie mayfield 10 днів тому +36

    I love the line ‘it’s not an act of love if you make her’ referring to marital/relationship sexual assault blending perfectly into her complaint of being forced to do and be too many things. It’s subtle but important

  • saryenn
    saryenn 16 днів тому +25

    In case you're curious about the comments (at this point 7,231) here's the gist:
    - People particularly loved : the candle part, the pomegranate (with plenty of good pointers on its symbolism), the kids singing the chorus and that part `it's not love if you make her`
    - A lot of people, men and women, see their experiences and those of relatives in this song, and there are some truly heart breaking stories in these comments.
    - Shout out to all the women from Asian countries, Arab countries, South America and African nations. A lot of the nations in these parts of the world have mentalities towards women way too close to what the lyrics of this song describe. Stay strong everyone.
    - These stories still happen in first world countries as well. There are plenty of examples of injustice and inequality. Probably enough in this comment section to write a thesis.
    - there are plenty of supportive men in the comments.
    - if you wanna read the comments from the 'mad men' you have to scroll to the very end, that seems to be the quarreling section with long replies. There are indeed a few, but not that many.
    And that's about it. I was curious enough about the replies to spend about an hour of my life reading them. Not everything in the comments is five star, but the song definitely is. The comments here are often times beautiful, interesting, raw, and make for a good social analysis.
    Cheers to all the brave folks here telling their stories. Take good care and keep going!

  • uona san
    uona san Місяць тому +318

    This song just came in time for me. I’m glad I found it, because (sorry I’m gonna rant a little) yesterday me and my mother slaved in the kitchen to make a Ramadan fator, we made so many dishes to please each of my siblings and my father has his own fator to make since he has cholesterol and diabetes.
    Not a f*caking thank you, just complains.
    After that we cleaned the house and by cleaning I mean CLEANING since tomorrow (today) we’ll have gusts.
    Me and my mom were tired and she’s worse since she’s pregnant and in her 8 month.
    We decided to give them the leftover from the fator as a sahor (like a dinner but it’s really late) because we made so many dishes.
    My father did not like that, he yelled at me and my mom looking at the food like it was garbage.
    After he’s done with my mom he talked to me in a disappointed and angry voice telling me how much of a failure I am , how I don’t help my mom or cook or do anything useful…. while eating the food …
    I felt like shit and still do. My stomach hurt and I feel like throwing up if I look at food or him.
    And it’s not helping that he hits sometimes when he’s angry or punishes you (kicking you out in the clod/hot and other things).
    I’m tired of this but if I speak my mind they’ll say I’m too sensitive and be angry at me even my mom.
    This song was so therapeutic to me I appreciate your effort and wish you all the success and fame you deserve
    Thank you for who ever read this vent of mine, I know it’s pathetic to write such thing in a UAclips comment section for a song, but I really need to get it out of my chest and I don’t have any safe space to do so.
    All my love to you kind people my your days be blessed 💕

    • thatgurl
      thatgurl Місяць тому +50

      I'm sorry that you have to go through this. I hope you get the courage and power to break through it. The world is a messy place for women. We can change it now. This is now or never. ❤ Much power to you

    • Anne Leyyd
      Anne Leyyd Місяць тому +46

      I'm so sorry. and please know that this was not pathetic, not even close. this is a real testament about what so many women has to face today. I just wish you strenght, relieve, hope and more appreciation from different side, when you can't expect that from your father. I don't know if it's something for you, but if you don't know the music group from South Korea, try to find BTS. their music heals and brings hope and strenght for so many people of all ages. they have songs from every genre and their lyrics are awesome, healing. for example: BTS - Jin - Epiphany, BTS - Magic Shop) have a nice day and please know that you are not alone in this 💜💜💜

    • Ame
      Ame Місяць тому +31

      I hope you and your mother can escape xx you both deserve better

    • Stevie Nicole Decks
      Stevie Nicole Decks Місяць тому +29

      Not pathetic at all. I’m sorry you have to go through that. Thinking of you 😢

    • Candelaria N
      Candelaria N Місяць тому +23

      You dad is truly an asshole. I understand how it feels. I feel affection for my father, but that doesn't erase the fact that he treats poorly my mom. Luckily, i got a job that allowed me to move and rent an appartment with a friend. I want my mom to realize that she doesn't deserve a marriage where she is unhappy.

  • Lucrezia Benelli
    Lucrezia Benelli 2 місяці тому +3739

    This song is like 1000 times better than I could’ve ever imagined. It really captures the feeling of being a woman during all History. It has such feminine rage that we can all feel it through the screen

    • ilse de vries
      ilse de vries 2 місяці тому +35

      Have you heard her song 'fruits' ? It is also a lot of femine rage combined with witch vibes

    • Lucrezia Benelli
      Lucrezia Benelli 2 місяці тому +17

      @ilse de vries I actually did. Thanks to TikTok I did a tour of all her music, and I’m utterly in love with “fruits”. But thank you anyway for the suggestion ☺️

    • Ace Hernandez
      Ace Hernandez 2 місяці тому +19

      I totally agree and I also want to point out to support your statement that when she's eating the pomegranate, it splatters and it stains her fingers and chin. It resembles blood and the eaten pomegranate bears a scary resemblance to organs. I think that part really exemplifies the female rage that the video is projecting where she's so angry from the mistreatment that her husband shows her and that's a murder stare if I've ever seen one.

    • Lucrezia Benelli
      Lucrezia Benelli 2 місяці тому +6

      @Ace Hernandez Yes, I totally see what you’re saying. I also loved that she seemed to enjoy eating the pomegranate, and with that regain the power she lost while with him, and “freaking him out”

    • Dame Pasty
      Dame Pasty Місяць тому +2

      ​@Lucrezia Benelli I have heard that the fruit that Eve actually ate that got her and Adam kicked out of the garden of Eden was mistranslated as an apple. They say it was more likely a pomegranate.

  • dirgenmeister
    dirgenmeister Місяць тому +148

    as a trans woman this is not my woman's rage, but it is a woman's rage that i will fight tooth and nail to see create change. solidarity

    • cascottage
      cascottage 24 дні тому +16

      this made me smile sm. i admire you

    • Sam Mischoko
      Sam Mischoko 24 дні тому +22

      I'm trans the other way around, so I was born a girl and raised a woman (and I'm fine with it), but damn! I'm not a woman but I feel that rage deep down in my bones. I feel for every girl and every woman I know that, and that include non-cis girls and women. You're a woman too.

    • Johnny
      Johnny 15 днів тому +1

      ​@Sam Mischoko
      That goes for me as well. Trans man, born and raised a girl. And still waiting to transition so still treated like a woman by family. This song sure does resonate with a lot of folk, huh? Lol

  • Sadie McNabb
    Sadie McNabb 17 днів тому +57

    I'm so into this song lately. My daughter is into it too. Such a great message. My husband/her father sure does a lot to support us. He cooks, cleans, does everything that needs attending to, plus working a full time job. I became chronically ill after our third child and he stepped up so hard. He's my hero. If anyone's doing too much labor, it's him. But that's not the norm. Do better menfolk. Be like my husband. Step. Up.

  • Ali Ackerman
    Ali Ackerman Місяць тому +112

    As a mexican with african heritage, this song hits really hard. Women in Mexico have to go through all that their husbands do, and be like, oh, he cheated, its ok, it probably was my fault. And, both my aztec and my african ancestors went through so much in the lands of Veracruz, this, misoginy, slavery, colonism... It still fills me with rage to know what all the women before me had t go through.

  • SeffySef
    SeffySef 26 днів тому +90

    This is why I’m so grateful to have the parents I do. My dad broke the standard he was raised with. It’s always been equal work, if my mom is tired my dad will cook, if my dad is tired my mom will. My dad raised us as much as my mom did, he helped around the house as much as she did. There were no expectations for her that he wouldn’t do himself. They both taught my sister and I that we deserve to be treated as equals, and anyone who try’s to treat us any less is not worth our time.
    My parents broke the standard and taught us to do the same

    • danielletracyann
      danielletracyann 25 днів тому +8

      My parents were the same. I think it’s more common than we think. I am in a marriage like this sadly. I chose very wrong.

    • The Squirrel
      The Squirrel 11 днів тому

      Love this. More people need to recognize that this should be the standard so we move forward

  • lavenderdemons
    lavenderdemons Місяць тому +319

    In the beginning she says “this was an escape plan”. Not a breakup. Not a divorce.. an escape. This is the first line that indicates that the man is not just incompetent and lazy, but violent as well.

    • Nimchy -
      Nimchy - Місяць тому +73

      I think the ‘escape plan’ is the marriage itself. My interpretation was that she used this marriage as an escape from the overwhelming amount of labour she did back home with her family, only to find that her marriage turned out to be the same.
      At least that’s my interpretation as I unfortunately know of/heard of a lot of women that experienced this same thing. Planning a marriage to escape their family only to end up even more miserable.

    • lavenderdemons
      lavenderdemons Місяць тому +20

      @Nimchy - that’s also a good interpretation! I’ve heard similar stories of women getting married to leave toxic households only for the marriage to be toxic as well ):

    • That Drip
      That Drip Місяць тому +18

      I think it means she's escaping from the marriage, that for a lot of women is a trap more than a union

    • danielletracyann
      danielletracyann 25 днів тому

      @Nimchy - yep I believe it’s escape the marriage too

    • Peta Pan 88
      Peta Pan 88 15 днів тому +7

      I heard it as she leapt from a childhood home with an unequal, patriarchal dynamic looking for freedom from her father through becoming a wife and moving out. Instead she lands in the depths of a marriage with that same dynamic ("for somebody I thought was my saviour..."). The fear of her daughter following the same pattern pushes her to let the rage rise and break the cycle.

  • Percival Chase
    Percival Chase 2 місяці тому +875

    Watch how he looks amused as she starts eating before looking angry. He feels like she's a joke before she keeps going, she proves to him she's serious. gods i love this song

    • momo
      momo 2 місяці тому +4


    • Gracie Palencia
      Gracie Palencia 2 місяці тому +21

      Yup I wonder if they will find us amusing when we all fight back 😡

    • Merel Ha
      Merel Ha 2 місяці тому +34

      I personally think he looks more uncomfortable? Like he doesn't understand what she is doing and why and actually physically doesn't look at her (looking down, hiding behind his hands). He looks up after a while and is also shocked she is gone.

  • Bibidi babidi Bruh
    Bibidi babidi Bruh 29 днів тому +68

    To the people who disagree/degrade her messenge...
    Congratulations, You have just proved her point

  • KoOkOoNuT's TrUsFrAtIoN iS mY iNsFiRaTiOn

    Im not a wife. I am not girlfriend. But i still feel the emotions and feelings this song has. And it should be same with everyone. Every woman goes through this. Look at your own mom.

  • Sarah Crisp
    Sarah Crisp Місяць тому +99

    the weaponised "incompetence" thing is too real for me rn. The boys at my work do such a shit job of basic tasks like sweeping or making sandwiches. I got sick of having to re-"teach", point out, and micromanage them to the point of just doing/redoing the job myself but I know that's exactly why they do it 🤬 it's because they've learnt that they can get away with it. I'm gonna start calling their lazy asses out plainly from now on

    • Ame
      Ame Місяць тому +12

      Call them out!!!!
      "If you cant even sweep a floor how are you qualified to do this job? Does your mother clean your home or do you live in a pigsty?"

    • Tyler Callahan
      Tyler Callahan 12 днів тому

      You might want to consider that someone working at a sandwich place might just be incompetent? Some men do this for sure... but it's a sandwich place with lower than the average pay.

  • Alex Parker
    Alex Parker 10 днів тому +32

    Despite having never been in a relationship I feel her rage, its like a fire. Never let this song die, ever

  • CallmeSai
    CallmeSai 18 днів тому +37

    As a man, I absolutely love this song. Had me in tears a few times.

  • Nikolett Perédi
    Nikolett Perédi 2 місяці тому +12192

    The feeling I get from this song is so ancient and so deep, I feel like all the rage from thousands of years of oppression to the women of all history is united into this song and it's incredibly powerful

    • Jade
      Jade 2 місяці тому +183

      This comment!! I don’t personally relate but I’m sitting here soaked in tears from just thousands of years of female rage. 💔❤️

    • Miss Nikki Parker
      Miss Nikki Parker 2 місяці тому +25

      @Jade Truly same.

    • Juliana Mae
      Juliana Mae 2 місяці тому +31

      exactly what I felt too, well put

    • Aleksandra
      Aleksandra 2 місяці тому +29

      Me too, I'm actually in opposite situation as my husband is doing most of the the labor (except emotional) as I'm chronically ill and unemployed.
      (and we had ~equal share before I started having health issues)
      But historical and contemporary examples are so heartbreaking, PLUS, all the future daughters (and sons) that are internalizing that as normal, I'm envisioning
      and this song is bringing all the emotions up...

  • Fallon Keel
    Fallon Keel 10 днів тому +24

    Why are you hanging on
    So tight
    To the rope that I'm hanging from
    Off this island?
    This was an escape plan (this was an escape plan)
    Carefully timed it so that we'd go
    And dive into the waves below
    Who tends the orchards?
    Who fixes up the gables?
    Emotional torture
    From the head of your high table
    Who fetches the water
    From the rocky mountain spring?
    And walk back down again
    To feel your words and their sharp sting?
    And I'm getting fucking tired
    The capillaries in my eyes are bursting
    If our love died would that be the worst thing?
    For somebody that I thought was my savior
    You sure make me do a whole lot of labor
    The callous skin on my hands is cracking
    If our love ends would that be a bad thing?
    And the silence haunts our bed chamber
    You make me do too much labor
    Apologies from my tongue
    And never yours
    Busy lapping from flowing cup
    And stabbing with your fork
    I know you're a smart man
    (I know you're a smart man)
    And weaponize the false incompetence
    It's dominance under a guise
    If we had a daughter
    I'd watch and could not save her
    The emotional torture
    From the head of your high table
    She'd do what you taught her
    She'd meet the same cruel fate
    So now I've gotta run
    So I can undo this mistake
    At least I've gotta try
    The capillaries in my eyes are bursting
    If our love died would that be the worst thing?
    For somebody that I thought was my savior
    You sure make me do a whole lot of labor
    The callous skin on my hands is cracking
    If our love ends would that be a bad thing?
    And the silence haunts our bed chamber
    You make me do too much labor
    All day, every day
    Therapist, mother, maid
    Nymph then a virgin, nurse than a servant
    Just an appendage, live to attend him
    So that he never lifts a finger
    Twenty-four seven, baby machine
    So he can live out his picket fence dreams
    It's not an act of love if you make her
    You make me do too much labor
    All day, every day
    Therapist, mother, maid
    Nymph then a virgin, nurse than a servant
    Just an appendage, live to attend him
    So that he never lifts a finger
    Twenty-four seven, baby machine
    So he can live out his picket fence dreams
    It's not an act of love if you make her
    You make me do too much labor
    The capillaries in my eyes are bursting
    If our love died would that be the worst thing?
    For somebody that I thought was my savior
    You sure make me do a whole lot of labor
    The callous skin on my hands is cracking
    If our love ends would that be a bad thing?
    And the silence haunts our bed chamber
    You make me do too much labor

  • Coraline
    Coraline 28 днів тому +51

    "Love letter to women throughout history" as someone quoted in another comment and rightfully so! A masterpiece of a song highlighting women's role for centuries, the suffering and pain they went through. How grateful to be in a time now that gives us rights and freedom, all thanks to other women who fought for it with some even sacrificing themselves for it. ❤

  • Alexandra Kocúrová
    Alexandra Kocúrová 27 днів тому +52

    I never in my life experienced this kind of torture but I can just feel it. The sadness the anger all of the emotions from this song that women experienced throughout the history.

    • Clefarts
      Clefarts 27 днів тому +8

      Sadly, it isn’t just throughout history. It happens nowadays as well. When I first heard this song, it leveled me. Nothing had so perfectly described how I felt in my past abusive relationships.

  • CbeastO
    CbeastO  20 днів тому +32

    My mum sent me this, told me dont ever overwork yourself for your husband, dont let him sit there while you do everything

  • Sofia Cuka
    Sofia Cuka Місяць тому +105

    Maybe this is just me, but the fact that the beginning was very mumbly and then grows to be more clear would have such a deep meaning. Incredible.

  • SinBin Gaming
    SinBin Gaming Місяць тому +6875

    I don't know if it was an intentional artistic choice or just how it sounded best to her, but the fact she doesn't necessarily get loud throughout the song is interesting to me. You can hear the anger in her voice, yeah, but she doesn't YELL like I've seen some people want her to. The background voices get louder/cry out at one point, but the singer herself keeps her voice relatively level. Makes me think about how women's anger is meant to be quiet. Palatable. If a woman acts out or yells in anger, she's seen as hysterical, crazy, and over-reactive. She's supposed to keep it to herself, or at least keep it quiet enough that people can ignore it or brush it off. Even when she's digging into the food with her hands, she's still covering her mouth at times before seemingly not caring anymore. Her anger is controlled. She gets FIRM, but not loud, and I find I actually like that better than the idea of her going on a yelling rampage.

    • Anne Leyyd
      Anne Leyyd Місяць тому +197

      wow, I didn't realize that. you are absolutely right, perfect explanation. thanks for this comment.

    • Satan
      Satan Місяць тому +287

      Its like a post i read once going something like this:
      Its between a human and a werewolf
      Human: "How can you not be angry?"
      Werewolf: "I am angry," the werewolf said. "But unlike you, I dont have the luxury of showing it without being called a monster. Without someone taking it as a sign of proof that i needed to be put down like a rabid dog"
      H: "But everyone gets angry... Thats human."
      W: "Up until the point when you're not human"
      Its an amazing metaphor for anyone that is othered by society. When a woman is angry, shes called intolerant. When a dog bites, its called rabid.
      No one asks why the woman was angry, or why the dog bit. Even though they had all the right to be angry, no one cares.

    • Coffee1864 1864
      Coffee1864 1864 Місяць тому +106

      I was thinking of that too how women are expected to stay quieter even when angry or were called sensitive or hysterical. It also made me think of how when people suffer from things like what she talks about in her song and many other things that can cause exhaustion and depression a person can feel something like anger but be too exhausted to really express it or not be able to show it, and to me it sort of sounded like that too with the one tone of voice she uses through the song never changing volume

    • CattyEve
      CattyEve Місяць тому +105

      She goes against what is a common portrayal of female rage: a quiet, seething rage that is even more frightening than the loud one. Because when a woman is quiet, you know that she doesn’t have any ounce of care in her body anymore. Quiet women are the scariest, imo.

    • Hillmidget
      Hillmidget Місяць тому +5

      Beautiful take on it

  • Signe Pladsen
    Signe Pladsen Місяць тому +19

    “Silence haunts our bedchamber” hit hard. I was in a relationship for years with a man that if I wasn’t in the mood, would refuse to talk to me for days on end, even when he knew it caused me anxiety so bad that I would shake. It was just… easier to let him do what he wanted. To play along as I’m in pain cause I’m not aroused, or just lost in my own head trying to just get it over and done with. Like, I would try to make it as quick as possible, getting him to come, saying I had had an orgasm, so that it was over. If I didnt lie about the orgasm, he would keep going even tho I wanted it to end. It was like a pride thing for him. I just… I am so happy I’m out of it now, but the scars run deep.

    • cagedbird clippedwings
      cagedbird clippedwings 5 днів тому +3

      It's sad how many can relate with this. I'm sorry to hear you've endured this nightmare, but it gives so much hope to know that you got out!
      I'm in the midst of creating my own exit, but sometimes these things take time even when it's unbearable. I finally had the courage to address the 10+ years I suffered through so many unwanted acts which never stopped despite my begging, pleading, and physically fighting to get away. He claimed it was all an attempt to "help me work through my psychological barriers" so he was just "doing me a favor".
      I cannot unsee. I cannot unknow. I cannot return to the silent sufferer for his gratification. Of course, that conversation was followed by weeks of his rage and constant verbal, psychological abuse. All the same, my body is mine and I'm finding my exit soon.
      I hope you find healing and peace of mind again. I hope this for all of us surviving and fighting for our right to thrive.

    • Signe Pladsen
      Signe Pladsen 4 дні тому +1

      @cagedbird clippedwings I wish you all the best, and I hope to you find your escape quickly. These stories just hits us all hard, but we are living, we are surviving, and hopefully we will be thriving.

  • Navy Blue
    Navy Blue 23 дні тому +18

    a bit of a different take on this: I was raised conservative evangelical and in church communities its the women who teach sunday school, work in the nursery, provide coffee and snacks after the service, do the administrative work, etc. yet when my mom wanted to be an elder there were still many people who argued women shouldn't have leadership roles and most churches don't allow female pastors despite women doing the majority of the ministry work already

    • Dewaldt
      Dewaldt 23 дні тому +2

      You should come to a methodist church then. Our denomination has had women in leadership rolls since it's inception.

  • Nonbinary August
    Nonbinary August 13 днів тому +16

    “It’s not an act of love if you make her.”
    Can we just talk about inclusive this lyric is? It includes women that have survived hundreds of different backgrounds and undergo mass amounts of trauma, bringing it into light in a song that has almost 10 million (as of now) views. Fucking genius.

  • summer archer
    summer archer 11 днів тому +15

    "And weaponise the false incompetence"
    This is such a good tactic pursued by so many men and we sometimes overlook this.
    Such good lyrics.

  • Wei Luo
    Wei Luo Місяць тому +41

    I love how she started soft and angelic, like the start of a relationship. It's like she's symbolizing an innocent girl. Then when a man starts to show his true colors, he starts to make her do chores, pass his responsibilities to her. At first she apologizes and tries to please him. But at the end, her singing becomes strong as she realizes her worth. Beautiful ❤️

  • Hee-hoo
    Hee-hoo 2 місяці тому +8993

    “I know you’re a smart man, and weaponize false incompetence. It’s dominance under a guise” THAT FUCKING LINE AND THE SUBSEQUENT LINES HIT HARD. This whole song is so beautiful and heartbreaking yet at the end so strong

    • RiverCrystal
      RiverCrystal 2 місяці тому +181

      This is the first time I've heard of weaponized incompetence in a song and I'm here for it.

    • Hee-hoo
      Hee-hoo 2 місяці тому +94

      @RiverCrystal same, the first time I heard it I felt my brain physically click. There’s finally a phrase for what I’ve been trying to articulate, AND it’s part of a beautiful song???

    • Harvard Psychic
      Harvard Psychic 2 місяці тому +74

      I think of myself as a well read, self aware feminist. And this song just made me realized how much I give to men and how I never even saw it! I never saw it because I was conditioned to give men so much of myself. I was groomed to it before I knew how to speak, and know I'm not the only one. It's so sad.

    • Kenny🐝
      Kenny🐝 2 місяці тому +60

      It was a brilliant line. I've started calling out weaponized incompetence from people in my life. I ask them if they are genuinely dumb and can't do it, or if they are playing dumb to make you do it. They go silent real quick and that silence speaks volumes.

    • Fayza Ali
      Fayza Ali 2 місяці тому +7

      What does it mean by it ? English is not my first language

  • Min Alves
    Min Alves 14 днів тому +13

    I see much of my mother in these lyrics. Glad that she broke up with my father. And glad that I'm breaking the vicious circle ✊

    • 🌷┆liyuu 리유우 ୨୧
      🌷┆liyuu 리유우 ୨୧ 7 днів тому +3

      i see my mother in these lyrics too. my heart bleeds watching this happen and not being able to do anything. my father is bigger and stronger than me but i try to yell at him when i can. my mother threw away her whole life for us.

  • Ambition
    Ambition 12 днів тому +17


  • Elisabeth V
    Elisabeth V Місяць тому +137

    Men should be thankful we want equality, not revenge..... who am I kidding... Revenge it is.

    • brick kold
      brick kold Місяць тому +7

      : )

    • Henry Jackson
      Henry Jackson 27 днів тому +3

      Healthy... I don't think taking your frustration out on men for what shitty men or men of previous generations did is a good way to cope. Like, that's actually pretty disturbing and sums up why so many people think feminism isn't about equality anymore. Surely you just want to be equal and coexist without having to get "revenge"

    • meena
      meena 26 днів тому +3


    • tu d
      tu d 17 днів тому +11

      ​@Henry Jackson it's a joke Henry she's not about to go out and take away men's rights chill out

    • Mocha
      Mocha 13 днів тому

      As a gay male, I agree 😂 I’ve been objectified before and it will probs happen again unfortunately

  • HayA
    HayA Місяць тому +142

    i’m a saudi women i cried so much listening to this song

  • Monkeke
    Monkeke 21 день тому +13

    after being the primary breadwinner for so many years, my father has been out of a job for over half a year. Since that time, my mother has been working fulltime, taking care of my siblings, making dinner, grocery shopping etc. My father gets mad at her when she stays up late or works overtime. He doesn't even clean the house. I love my father but it's disappointing to see his inability to fill the roles that aren't traditionally manly and make my mother do everything.

  • Bananna V
    Bananna V Місяць тому +6575

    What struck me about this song is that EVERY woman knows of another woman being treated like this or has gone through it herself. No sister is untouched. And there's a deep, deep fury about that. Even if not personally, throughout history, women know.

    • salaah khayr
      salaah khayr Місяць тому +15

      Treated like what exactly? Doing housechores while the men provide and pay for you? Lol.

    • sloane the fully grown
      sloane the fully grown Місяць тому +496

      ​@salaah khayrdoing a majority of the housechores while also working a full time job and doing a majority of the childcare and emotional labor that comes with having children. Being exhausted from waking up in the middle of the night to feed a child two people created and being told they're being bitchy that following evening. Being expected to cook after coming home from a full shift of work and maid. And being told to be grateful because the man in the relationship brings home money.

    • Chloe Campbell
      Chloe Campbell Місяць тому +83

      @salaah khayr this me bad vibes 🙄
      Your comment gave me bad vibes 🙄

  • Alexander Unanue
    Alexander Unanue 9 днів тому +8

    This song hurts because It's true. Makes these men mad because It's true.
    My mom raised me and my twin brother alone since my abusive dad(If It's possible to call it like that) passed away when we where 4. She needed no man to do it all by herself, no man is stronger than her.
    One of these days women will have the freedom and rights they deserve.

  • yellowpinkgreengreen
    yellowpinkgreengreen 14 днів тому +14

    Men are mad because they realize we were never happy to do these things and this song dispels any illusions they may have had otherwise.

  • BlackxOrchid
    BlackxOrchid 12 днів тому +7

    Love love love this song! Unfortunately a lot of this is true. I'm not a wife nor have i ever experienced something like this myself, but I've seen it with my mother and with friends...

  • yep thats me
    yep thats me 9 днів тому +4

    this song is so so powerful omg thank you for this masterpiece and uniting women all around the world

  • Luca Boróka Kaszab
    Luca Boróka Kaszab 13 днів тому +6

    my heart bleeds for all our deceased and living sisters, who had and have to go through this.

  • Gemma
    Gemma 2 місяці тому +4039

    This song just epitomises how women's roles are consistently delegitimised. Even the stereotypical housewife is not seen as real 'labour'. Cooking, cleaning, managing the home, taking care of the children is a job. Just because it's not paid, it's seen as somehow 'worth less'. Stunning.

    • L W
      L W 2 місяці тому +35

      ​@Hassan Al Khalaf "Under a man" is a telling choice of words and sounds miserable by any metric. The women I know were/are housewives and mothers see it as more of a partnership if he's earning.

    • L W
      L W 2 місяці тому +58

      ​@Hassan Al Khalaf I think most people argue that because its a risk. If I had a daughter, I would want her to ensure she still had work history, experience and references to fall back on if her marriage didn't work out. And that she wasn't financially dependent etc.

    • Hassan Al Khalaf
      Hassan Al Khalaf 2 місяці тому +5

      @L W that's a valid point.

  • Bunny
    Bunny 16 днів тому +9

    ‘It’s not a act of love if you make her’ why is that so hard for so many people to understand

  • Sheydel Rojas
    Sheydel Rojas Місяць тому +66

    if this song doesn't get nominated for at least a a grammy and also isn't performed at the grammys, I'll start a riot.

  • MonumentToSin
    MonumentToSin Місяць тому +25

    This song is like an echo all the generations of women that came before us, crying out through the ether.
    "All the women
    in me
    are tired"
    -- Nayyirah Waheed

  • rustic shiraz
    rustic shiraz 10 днів тому +4

    This is a masterpiece. Thank you for sending this message.

  • Amal Av
    Amal Av 29 днів тому +59

    I know I shouldn't say this out, but this song brought me to tears. I could see my mother(s), my sister(s), my friends felt throughout. I could play out my life and be the guy. I can relate to the feigned incompetence so well. I've seen everyone doing that but was not aware of it. The sudden realisation hurt me so bad. I see that I'm a product of societies' and the things that happened to me. I can really understand my mother so much. I still cannot explain the emotions and memories it brought up. I think I am a better person now. Thank you for creating this work of art.

  • Nik
    Nik 2 місяці тому +8981

    The symbolism of her lighting her candle and watching it burn down while his is unlit and barely touched is perfect

    • Annika Maaß
      Annika Maaß 2 місяці тому +100

      I was just about to comment on that, its really such a cool detail!!

    • fallen_star2319
      fallen_star2319 Місяць тому +272

      Add in that al the ones in his view are perfectly fine, while hers are starting to burn out? The one symbolizing her burns out entirely, the one representing him is never lit. But the surrounding candles, symbolizing work and effort?
      His are half tall, still easily burning. Hers are almost at their ends - she is completely burnt out in herself and from the excess work that she does for him, while he doesn't need to exert himself in nearly the same fashion.
      It's a smaller detail, but a really nice one.

    • Garima Bajaj
      Garima Bajaj Місяць тому +18

      oh my god, wow. this made me think so much.

    • Paige Larrabee
      Paige Larrabee Місяць тому +40

      Her candle seems to symbolize patience. Her fuse must get lit every mealtime. Even if he isn't there and away at work. She toils over everything and so it has been eroded to the point of an escape plan.

    • bleepbloopbloop
      bleepbloopbloop Місяць тому +9

      Like she loved and unloved, but he never learnt to love. Idk.

  • Dr-Spencer-Reid
    Dr-Spencer-Reid Місяць тому +40

    "Its not an act of love if you make her" more ppl need to hear that

  • IrishRose.
    IrishRose. Місяць тому +50

    I feel like this song is so important. It's a letter to the women who have come and gone who lived under the rule of men. Even our mothers and grandmothers. The chanting effect of the chorus is haunting.

  • Julia Micha
    Julia Micha 27 днів тому +34

    There was a time my brother was jobless and he literally waited for us to come from work so that we could do household chores and cook for him. He just sat around all day and couldn't even do utensils. His argument was that he is not a woman. He made me want to scream until my face turned red.

  • Ongaku
    Ongaku 3 дні тому +4

    The voice, the music, the lyrics....this song is perfect from start to finish. 8,1 Million views is actually not enough. This song deserves even more views. Even the music video is great!

  • TheDolphace
    TheDolphace Місяць тому +24

    If you're a man and feel attacked by the words of this song, you probably are part of the problem.
    Reflection and change is healing, you can do it

  • Bryna
    Bryna 2 місяці тому +5651

    the rage that builds up through the song is devastating but so beautiful. this song invokes so many emotions. the line about the daughter breaks my heart and Im not even a mom

    • shellygirl999
      shellygirl999 2 місяці тому +159

      The message behind this song is exactly why I refuse to have kids. It doesn’t matter how well I teach my son not to be incompetent, or teach my daughter not to be meek and domestic, society expects them to be that way, and kids don’t deserve to suffer through that. I’m ending my generational trauma right here.

    • Fake Name
      Fake Name 2 місяці тому +33

      I Only wish it was angrier

    • Game Guy
      Game Guy 2 місяці тому +2

      @shellygirl999 🤪💀😂

    • thejadegecko
      thejadegecko 2 місяці тому +18

      @Fake Name It needs a rock / metal remix/cover of it. @SkyDxddy needs to do a cover. It would be perfect.

    • charlomand3r
      charlomand3r 2 місяці тому +8

      same and motivates me to break the cycle if i ever decide to have kids

  • Writer J
    Writer J 13 днів тому +8

    This song makes me so sad for my mother and the life she had raising her children

  • Sosoland
    Sosoland Місяць тому +40

    I was annoyed with hearing this song used in videos where people just slapped on pictures and Wikipedia facts to seem like they actually cared, but when I watched this and read each lyric, my entire right side had goosebumps. It was as if you wrote this for my mother. I won’t say my dad is an irredeemable person or that I hate him, but he’s been a living prison for my mother. She always tells me to never trust men enough to give your life to them, because they’ll just make you a servant in the end, but I still hold hope. I do want to find a man who will not see me as a labor. If it never happens, I shall have to ask for a companion like that in the next life. I know that women are worth more in the eyes of God than they are in the eyes of men. We don’t suffer unseen.

  • Sera Pekkala
    Sera Pekkala Місяць тому +20

    Shout out to Henry Hayward, who manages to project such a perfect air of quiet arrogance without saying a word! This video is so well acted and shot in addition to being a banger.